I DON'T miss him because:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
I DON'T miss him because:
16
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:11pm

-he chose Valentine's to let me know he had to "figure himself out." Please. Which also upsets me even more, because we were both busy Valentine's, so the day before we had gone to Victoria's Secret, bought some fun things, and planned to celebrate when we both had a whole day for each other. So much for that. Makes me sick.

-he never told his parents or friends about me. How important can I be?

-he is way too involved in World of Warcraft in my opinion. (there is a reason this is called e-crack.) When he pretty much has to be home 3 nights a week for raids and stays up 36 hours straight when the expansion comes out so he can get to level 70 as quickly as possible... that's a little too much. He always wanted me to start playing, but his ex gf plays too. Ugh. No thanks. I may not have much of a life, but at least I'm not addicted to a machine.

-he said he wanted to stay friends through this and make sure I was okay, but yet other than just passing him at work and saying "hi" to each other, we haven't spoken in 5 days. He must not be all that concerned. And hell if I'm going to call or text at this point. It takes all my control most days, but I'm just not going to do it.

-he snores. At least I sleep better, lol.

-on the day of my divorce hearing, he didn't call to support me, I called *him.* I can never forget that feeling.

-I was working really hard on issues I knew I had from my previous relationship. I wanted to work things out this time, change so things would be different, because this one I thought would last.

-I was getting tired of always being the one to do the nice little things. To always be the first one to text in the morning. It takes two to tango, and I don't always want to lead.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:18pm

Very good shrinkingviolet, hopefully, everyone that has something add and hopefully it will be helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 5:05pm
Hey...I hear you! I got a call on Valentine's Day morning to say "Happy Valentine's Day" and " I just want you to know that I dont believe in Valentine's Day ..so I didnt do anything". Fortunately the only thing I did was send a card. But later that same day he told me he wished he could spend the day with me and that he would take me out to dinner the next weekend we didnt have our kids. Okay...so Monday before that weekend came to pass...everything was still "on" but then Wednesday night..he called me on the phone to say he didnt think we should see each other anymore because he couldnt give me what I needed or deserved and he felt he was taking me for granted. So needless to say that was an awfully lonely weekend. Monday comes..I go back to work and he sends me an IM making small talk (we are both runners and I had run a race and he was asking me all kinds of questions about the race). Nothing from him on Tues, wed or Thursday of this week..until today...FRiday...I get another IM from him..just saying "good morning" and telling me how busy and crazy his work has been. Like I should care...right?? And although I do...I just answer questions simply and dont ask anything about him/me etc.
So...why does he do this...this contact? Does he want to be friends? Does he want to have me "around the outside" in case he wants to get laid again? TAlk about mixed signals.
So I completely understand how u feeel. And a huge similarity...dating 6 months and not once did I meet any of his friends or family. AND...a huge red flag....we are both runners and we never ran together once..he always had an excuse as to why we could not run together. How lame is that??????? But of course..he always went on to say that we "would" be running together at some point.
Weirdest relationship I have ever been in. He called all the time..almost every day..sometimes more than once in a day while we were dating...at work he would IM me all the time.
Then we break up ...and no I have not contacted him>...he has to occasionally IM me still.
I need to get a backbone and tell him not to contact me. I dont know what I am thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 5:27pm

We're all in this together! Unfortunately. But glad we can relate. :) Makes you wonder... do these guys get together and think up ways to just make our lives miserable?! It seems like we all have a similar version of the same story!! Scary.

In my case, the meeting the family thing is kind of extraordinarily weird in my case, and not all his fault. (a lot of the things were I said have some kind of justification behind them, but I'm not in the mood for giving him excuses right now.) He's 23, and is finishing school and works for his family business too, so he still lives at home in the basement until he graduates. So I had been over there a few times when I was still married, and that's how he introduced me, as so-and-so's wife. lol. So I don't blame him for being awkward about that, but that was a year ago. Time enough for him to tell them I was divorced, moved out. And then to ease in the dating thing. I think.

When you're ready for him not to talk to you, you'll know, and you'll find the strength to do so. Just two weeks ago or so I said I didn't think I was capable of no contact, and here I am, lol. Good luck with everything, I'm pulling for you. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 3:02pm

Listing his issues.....that's definitely something I can do!

He was selfish.
He was easily defensive.
He couldn't focus on his own life.
He was lazy.
He had low self-esteem and tried to overcompensate for that by being condescending.
He had no motivation in life.
He didn't know himself or what he wanted for his life.
He blamed his inadequacies on everyone else.
He was irresponsible.
He was careless with my feelings.
He “moved on” after only two weeks.
He probably still thinks there’s nothing wrong with him.
He was prideful.
He treated our breakup like a race to see who could be in a relationship the quickest.
Screwing someone else three weeks after we broke up and then telling my friends about it broke my heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 3:08pm
laughing about the snoring. Yeah, I sleep better too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 3:11pm

Wow - sounds almost like we were dating the same man!

Here's my list:

*He always made me cry on the phone
*He blamed everything on me
*He wouldn't work on "HIS" problems unless MINE were solved first
*He didn't let me come over to his apartment (major red flags there)
*He didn't even send flowers when my dad died
*He might be the father of 2 kids I didn't even know existed until he got arrested for not paying child support 3 months after he moved in with me
*He is misanthropic
*He HATES sports
*He HATES the outdoors
*He won't wear a flannel shirt (I'm a redneck and this one is HUGE to me! LOL)
*He has no intentions of paying me back the $2100 I loaned him a year ago
*He has no motivation or plans for his future

I think EVERYONE here needs to read "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg & Amiira Behrendt. It's AMAZING!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 5:50pm

wow !!! maybe their were some signs: I DON'T miss him because:

** He made me cry alot, making me feel like everything was my fault.
** He never wanted to go out to places he thought we would run into his ex
** He toke 1,000 dollars from me to pay his child support
** now at least I don't have to pay both our bills
** He treated my kids like they were a job...
** He didn't buy me anything for christmas
** he toke me for granted
** He used me , I have a big heart,and would do anything for the people I love
** He just doesn't want to see me with someone else(everytime he called he would ask me)
** He made me believe that he was in it forever.(even though I had my doubts)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 9:05pm

lol at the not wearing flannel. (I was thinking more of throwback to the grunge era. flannel can be cool!)

Thanks to everyone chiming in. Sometimes it's good to remember that not everything was picture perfect, even though it's easier to think that way. And even though we could rationalize some behavior, a lot of it we're better off without!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 4:52pm

Here's my list... it helps to focus on the bad stuff!!
1. He had no motivation in life. I grew in many ways while we were together, and he was stuck in the same rut.
2. Emotionally unstable- depressive and obsessive, and believes there's no solution: he will always live depressed.
3. SO immature. He's 30, but acts like he's 4. Lives in his own little world
4. When he met my friends, he "interpreted" them afterwards (ie.criticized them)
5. Very insecure- the way he handled this was by being self-righteous.. he felt he was right always, and people where entitled to his opinion.
6. Drinks a lot at night- never gets completely drunk, but half.. drinks every day, and for any occasion.
7. We couldn't fight fair- he's an expert in name-calling.
8. Socially inept- no social skills whatsoever.
9. No manners- I think he didn't know what a napkin was for.
10. He always peed with the door open, even at my house, and after I told him to close the door.

Wow! I feel so much better!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 5:11pm

Although I still am in contact with mine... Here is a list of reasons why I am probably going to end it and move on.

1. He farts all the time in front of me... He even likes to hotbox me.
2. He rarely makes me orgasm
3. He is moving 6-10 hours away... I wasn't a part of his decision. Yet, he did ask me to move to where he was. Why should I give up my dreams?
4. He is selfish
5. He told me he needed to figure out if i was worth it or not
6. He is putting me on a string, because he is not sure he wants me or not right now.
7. He told me he thought he was falling for me... then tells me he doesn't want a commitment
8. He is CHEAP
9. He didn't get me a b-day or valentine's day present
10. Sometimes I feel like I have to be his mom, because he acts like a baby.

Wow that felt really really good.

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