I don't trust men anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
I don't trust men anymore
2
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 9:09pm

Well, I had broken up with my ex for the 3rd time almost a month ago. I was upset. I didn't call him and was baffled about what happened, so I just cried and cried. Felt anxiety and had panic attacks. I felt really used and I feel I can never trust a guy again.
I have been through a lot of these relationships where I was just an adventure. I'm at a time in my life where I want committment and stability, leading to marriage. My ex and I spoke about those things and we were on the same page.
I feel he purposely would sabatoge things with us because he was really not ready, and at times I felt he was not interested in me.
He would call and want to be with me, but I had a lot of excuses and complaints.
I kept my life busy, but open for him. He would say snide things-excuse me of cheating and say he could never make me happy.
I would just say we need to make time for eachother and communicate.
He was not supportive and attentive to my needs as I was to his.

Last night I called him because I had so much anger.
He tried to lie and put all the decision making on me about what happened. I called him on a lot of things and I found out the honest truth that he does not know what he wants and that he feels awful for hurting me.

I absolutely hate him and I am trying to get over this, but I do not want to ever make this mistake. I feel disgusted, embarassed and unforgiving.

I'm a teacher and I deal with kids all day and it breaks my heart when they say things like "you remind me of my mom" or when they say "when will you get married?"
I don't know what to say anymore because I feel like I'm losing hope on falling in love.
I don't want to get married for the sake of married, but I just feel like I wont be able to love again.

Stacy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:07am

Hi Stacy, I'm glad you posted here...although I was sorry to see you leave chat, I wasn't saying post here *instead* of talking in chat, I was thinking in addition to!

It takes 3 things to get over someone: time, no contact and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other. Once you get to the point of acceptance, you'll realize that he just wasn't the right person for you, as opposed to thinking that NO ONE will be right for you.

Hating him and being angry with him are normal and part of the grieving process. You'll know that you're getting over him when the hate and anger start to go away.

For now, focus on not having any contact with him. You might also benefit from making a set of index cards listing the reasons you broke up (which can also help you decide what qualities you want and don't want in a new partner when you're ready to date again, down the road). Have a look at the "Thought-Stopping" post further down the board (I'll bump it up to the top for you) for more information about this technique.

How long were the two of you together? That will impact the amount of time it takes for you to move on.

Hang in there...it *will* get better.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:46pm
I know you're upset after talking to your ex and it's easy to convince yourself that you will never find the one and you'll never be happy...but I don't belive that for a minute!!
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