I don't understand..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
I don't understand..
11
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:10pm

I'm back...

So ya this morning I wake up & I have 2 texts from my most recent ex (the one that cheated on me that I loved so so much) and a missed call. I text'd him back and was like "hey, did you need something last night" and he said "not really, just had a bad night and you said if I ever needed you to call" I told him I was sorry I had fell asleep & asked why he had a bad night and he said "long story and you wouldn't understand either"

Ahhhhhhhh.. so frustrating! Why would he even call me last night if I wouldn't understand? We haden't talked in so long, I was following the NC rule and it had been almost 2 months since I foolishly texted him. And he hadn't even been trying to contact me until now. I don't know, its just frustrating.. its even more frustrating because I miss him & talking to him just hurts. So now my head is spinning and I have a final in like 5 hours that I can't concentrate for.

STUPID GUYS.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 1:17pm

Why is he doing it? Because he can...because you left the door open by saying that he could call anytime and by not blocking him from calling or texting you.

NC works both ways...it's both not contacting him and not permitting him to contact you (and doing all you can to prevent the latter, especially using available technology).

I would recommend that you do some emergency thought-stopping to get through your final (see the post below, but basically in your situation, every time you think of him, push it out of your mind saying to yourself, I need to focus on this test, I will think about this LATER. That should get you through. Good luck with the test...and remember, he is not worth you doing poorly on the test!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 6:57am
STUPID GUYS!!!! Be kind to yourself and best of luck on your final. :) Donna
Faith
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 1:01pm

Thanks girls.. its always nice to have some encouragement. I think I managed to do ok on my final.. I text'd him later last night and said "just wanted to make sure you were ok" and he said "I will be" I asked if there was anything I could do and he said "no, but you're such a sweetheart and we both know I don't deserve that" I know he's right..haha. The problems he's having was probably with his new girlfriend anyway. I feel a little better though, this is the first time we've talked since the breakup that hasn't been fighting over stupid stuff. Plus he has a court hearing this Tuesday for his second DUI, so he'll find out how long he has to go to jail for..so I know he's stressed about that(first DUI he got a few years back then he got this one when my ex drove him off the road & he wrecked.. so i feel sort of responsible) Ok well I'm done rambling, thanks for listening.

Hope everyone else is doing well <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 7:28am
2nd DUI?? BAD NEWS..be thankful he is leaving your life..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 9:19am

Ya.. a bit part of me says that too.. It's just that I love him so much. He comes from a bad family, he had an abusive dad and an alcoholic stepfather.. so he's had a hard life. I know thats no excuse... but things were so different when we were together. He didn't drink every night, he was turning his life around.. trying to find his own house closer to me. He always said I made him appreciate life more and that he realized he didn't have to turn to alcohol to feel good about himself, that I made him do that.

He called me late last night and we talked.. he apologized for everything. He said he felt like if he didn't go back to his ex that he would regret it and always wonder what if.. one part of me doesn't blame him because I did the same to my boyfriend to be with him.. He says he does love me though and he realizes he made the wrong choice.. God he's so sweet & just talking to him made me so happy I could scream.

Ah I just wanna rip out my hair..for months I've been waiting to hear all those words that he told me. Now I'm at a total loss. What the hell do I do? I didnt sleep at all last night. :(

To complicate things more, I'm on the way to the Steeler game w/ my ex ex boyfriend. (we're def just friends though) My life is a roller coaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 9:45am

Hi lizzz,
I'm sure that the phone conversation with him opened up the wounds again, but maybe you can look at it as the definitive answer--he has moved on. You wouldn't be fair to yourself or him if you kept trying to pursue a relationship with him. I'm so sorry that you had such a rough night and I hope that you can get some rest today or do something to make yourself feel better.

Hugs,
Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 11:32pm

Ugh you really think it would be unfair to pursue a relationship? We text'd each other tonight for hours.. just talking, making fun of each other, & just being us. It felt so good and the smile on my face hasn't left..

I've waited for this so long.. for him to want me back.. Now he does and my world is just turned upside down. Why do we let guys do this to us girls?!@#

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 7:20am

Well, he said he was going back to his ex, didn't he? Is that still his position? And if not, that's a pretty quick decision to change. No one can decide what's best for you except you, but from the outside, it seems like he doesn't know what he wants. I'd hate for you to get hurt all over again.

Sorry, I've got to go to work, but I just wanted to send you a little support. Take good care of yourself and do what's best for you in the long run, not what makes you feel better right now.

Hugs, Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 10:09am

I don't know if my post was really clear of the time frame or not.. We broke up in early September, then he and his ex broke up just a few weeks ago because things didn't work out. He said that he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he made a mistake by ever going back to her. I think he's learned his lesson w/ her.

I know not to jump back into a relationship with him..I'm really afraid the first time I was just his rebound girl and I don't wanna be that the second time around.. However I'm not saying he didn't love me, I always knew he did. Plus talking to him again has just made me so happy.. I hate to throw that away.

Thanks for your support! <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 11:20am
Hi lizzz,
You're right, I thought that you meant that he had just decided to go back to his ex. Now I see that was in the past. Your post makes more sense to me now! Just be careful and go slowly! Hugs!
Laura

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