I don't want to hear about him!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
I don't want to hear about him!!!!
2
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:17pm
When I was with my ex, we used to hang out a couple who were MY friends. Well, once we broke up my friend's husband still wanted to hang out with my ex. I really did not like this because I just want to break all connections I have to him, but who am I to tell people who they can hang out with?

So I was talking to my friend today and she told me all about my ex's new girlfriend. She thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. I feel horrible. I haven't cried over him for such a long time and now I can't stop. Its not fair that someone else gets the best parts of him while I am still missing him. I am just so sad. Any advice to make this easier?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:26pm
I think it's obvious - stop hanging out with these friends. Why on earth would she think it would make you feel better to hear about his new girlfriend? That sounds clueless at best, really callous at worst. Friends are supposed to be supportive and sensitive to your feelings, this person doesn't sound like a real friend. It's hard, I know, I lost many friends we used to hang out with together. In fact, because we went to law school together, there are a number of classmates I was very close to who are either still friends with him or unsure how to behave around either of us since the breakup (so avoiding us both, my ex mentioned something about it to me). It seems like an additional loss, but sometimes that's just the way it goes. For your own well-being, it is not good to surround yourself with any of the following "friends": people who update you on his new social life, people who will tell you he was "such a great guy," people who keep telling you they were sure that you and your ex were going to work out, people who (for whatever reason) STILL think you'll work it out and foster your secret dreams that he's pining for you, and people who will repeat to him whatever you say about him or tell him about your present emotional state (still crying, still distraught, talking bitterly about the breakup, whatever). And, realistically, most of us have one or more "friends" who fit into one of the above categories. Cut them loose, at least for a while - you can reestablish contact in the future when you're not so fragile over the breakup.
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anonymous user
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 3:31pm
I totally agree with the advice Milton has given you, and so don't have much to add. I will say though that this friend of your's doesn't seem to be tuned in to how you are feeling. I just recently had a friend of mine e-mail me and tell it was for the best and that I should just let it go and move on. Uh huh. I'll be letting her go for awhile. She was HIS friend first anyway, and I shudder to think what he would tell her....sigh. Breaking up is hard cause, no matter what anyone says, it isn't "just" between the two of you....there's lots of people involved in the fallout. But the most important person is YOU. Do you feel comfortable enough to mention to your friend that you don't really want to hear about your ex? Good luck with it. I know that it's hard to sort out what the *right* thing to do is. If they are true friends, they'll understand the need to not be in touch for awhile...or at the very least to mind their tonuges when they are around you!!

Karen