i dont want to love him any more

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
i dont want to love him any more
2
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:41am
me and bf broke up 2 months ago, but of course everytime i saw him we ended hooking up (so basically we turned into friends with benefits).....the reason we broke up was that he was leaving to a diff. college and it wouldnt work so he got afraid of commitment....the day before he left we hung out all day and when we said our goodbyes we were both extremely upset he even called me in the middle of the night saying how he didnt want to go and how he will love me forever...after his first night at his new college he called me the next morning and basically explained how hung over he was and how he drank with girls all night....i know that i dont deserve this...i know that i made him happy...i know that i deserve to be happy...i know that in a couple of months i am going to get the i miss you and i love you phone call and i know that i will fall for it even tho i will tell myself a million times not too...i know all of this and go back to it everytime because i love him and for a reason i dont know why...im not myself. cute guys that i have had my eye have asked me on dates and my interest is not even slightly there...im feel like i am forcing a smile on my face...the difference between me and him is that when i said i love you i actually meant it and would ever hurt him and it hurts that much more to know that to him they are just three words...i love him and dont want to anymore and i dont know if its possible to stop...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 3:37am
Oh wow that is so hard... I'm sorry.
I'm kind of in the same situation, except... well not. Just the part about no interest in anyone else. I mean, truly, it doesn't seem like he is returning your feelings, and since that's not the case, you already know you'd be better off stopping. Maybe just remind yourself each time you get those feelings that you want to go back that he doesn't have them for you and that the "I miss you calls" are just from insecurity... he's calling you to make sure he has someone there. You don't have to be that. You can do better <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:10am

Erm, If you recognize your need not to get back together - why are you still doing it? Sorry that's harsh, but it's the truth. It's like you're addicted to this guy. YOu know it's awful, you know you should stop, but you don't because you're caught up in the idea that it's out of your control so it's ok to keep taking your drug of the day. It's not. It's actually very much in your control - you just need to exercise it.

I've personally done it, and I am seriously THE weakest person I have the pleasure of knowing. No reason you can't. I'm not telling you to date, but to REFUSE him when he comes back. Heck, I remember when I broke up, it killed me everytime I forced myself to ignore his IMs. KILLED. But I did it because I'd made a decision (a RIGHT decision) and I stuck with it. Recognize that you need to take a position on where you stand, where your limits and dignity are, and exercise your ability to bring it about instead of wishing he'd leave you alone. People with wishbones where their backbones are rarely get anywhere. Does he control you, or do you control you?

cheers
Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your