I dont want too, but will this ever work

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
I dont want too, but will this ever work
5
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 5:31pm

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and things to begin with (i.e. first 9 months) were perfect yeah we had some problems, but nothing major. And this doesn't seem like anything major, but lately I have been considering breaking it off with him. I love him so much but we can barely be in the same room as each other without bickering over nothing, and even when we are on the phone we do the same thing. It's like we can't get happy anymore, and I feel like he loves me less as he says it less and sounds like he means it a lot less too.


I don't know, because I want to make it work but everytime im with him I feel like crying, or end up crying, and sometimes he just looks at me. As if to say he doesn't care enough for me to just hug me or something.I can be unreasonable I know that, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 6:53pm

Welcome to the board harmfulsweetz,


Can you or have you figured out why you are insecure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 7:20pm

Everytime I try to take a few days out to myself, he takes it wrong and we end up in yet another arguement.


I think I am insecure about a lot of things-my weight(im not fat but not skinny) because he has made comments or implied that he thinks im fat in the past, my attractiveness to him? I don't always know if he is attracted to me as a person, I used to be so sure but now, I don't know. He says he is, but never shows it.


We argue about everything-if I so much a pick him up on a comment he makes about people (he has a habit of making comments about people who are overweight which I don't appreciate) he takes it as an arguement though I mean only to say that it isn't nice, and that if he is to do it, not to do it around me.


Then we argue about sex, because he thinks I want it less, but I can't want it when I feel like I am under pressure to want it. If I say no, he rolls over and doesn't speak or makes a sarcastic comment which makes me feel so bad. It has got to the point where I no longer want to stay at his, because of this.


I want time to myself, sometimes I think that is all I need, then I can truly put my all into working things through with him, whereas now, I feel like I can't put all of my effort in because I see him next to every day, or every other day. I have spoken to him about this problem, but he ignores it. Or if I try to say I want time or a couple of days to myself, he will start feeling sorry for himself, and making me feel guilty. He makes me feel like I am a bad person for saying such things, and then twists it to the point where we end up seeing each other.


He knows how I feel, I know he does. I do not want to break up with him, but everytime we have an arguement, he says things like 'if you want to break up, do it now'. That makes me think that he wants this break up. What do you think?


Thank you so much for your reply x

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 8:40pm

::but everytime we have an arguement, he says things like 'if you want to break up, do it now'.


When someone says that, it usually means they want to break up, but don't have the guts to do it themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 7:29am

I like the advice given here so far. I too am in the same situation. Our once weekly fights and arguments have become daily fights. Tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. And I know how you feel about not being your normal self. I find myself being moody, tearful and not my laid back carefree self because of this relationship. Its a matter of time for us.


Good luck and keep posting here to let us know how you make out. I got good advice on a different board. The woman said no matter what I do I should take care of myself and my daughters first. I think it applies to you too. Take care of you first.


Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 7:45am

Thank you both so much for your replies.


I have told him I will be taking some time to myself and having a couple of days to me. I need that.


It does seem that everytime we are together