i emailed back, kind of and now feel bad
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| Fri, 02-16-2007 - 1:56pm |
so he broke up with me a week and a half ago. i'm not angry. just sad. the timing is bad and i understand. he told me he understood if i didn't want to talk to him but when i was ready to let him know when he could call and contact me again. we had a long heartfelt talk for four and a half hours four days after the break up. he cried a lot saying he wish his life wasn't in disarray and it was a risk letting me go right now.
i told him i just needed time to get over the sadness and i just couldn't email or call or IM him anymore. and i wasn't sure how long it would take, 3 weeks 4 weeks two months. and he said he respected it.
so, today is my bday. and i woke up a bit sad thinking that before this all happened he had talked about what we were going to do for my bday. but i'm doing a lot better than i was just last week. but i do feel lost. well i also got sad that i probably wouldn't hear from him on my bday. one of the last things i said to him was i wish he could be there for my bday but well maybe he'd at least think about me on the day. and this morning at work at 9am i got an ecard greeting from him wishing me a happy bday and saying i know you probably don't want to speak to me right now but i wanted to wish you a happy bday. i was happy for a moment thinking that he cared and knew i didn't want to talk to him right now but yet he wanted me to know he did think of me on my day.
so i don't know what happened to me but i just fowarded him this funny email my friend had sent me yesterday. i didn't write anything on it. didn't write a note of anything. all i did was forward it to him.
and now i just have this sinking feeling like what did i just do. why did i send that? and i feel guilty like i broke down and gave in. i know he's going through a rough time. and i thought that it would make him laugh but i know he's not my problem anymore. i know that he is hoping that if he can get things together then maybe it might work out in the future. but crap, now i just feel kind of guilty forwarding him that email.
i dont' plan on forwarding him anything else anytime soon. but i mean i guess i was wanting someone to just tell me on the boards that its ok. i shouldn't feel guilty and its nothing big and just don't do it again and take the next few weeks to month to just not communicate at all with him.
that's all

Sweetie, don't beat yourself up so much! It's a breakup and it's painful and it's hard. Now you know that contacting him in ANY way (even just forwarding something to him) makes you feel worse. Lesson learned. Keep your head up!! And Happy Birthday!
: )
S
First off, Happy Birthday!!!!
Next, I'll just say it was totally instinctive, and maybe you just wanted to let him know in a tiny way that you appreciate the e-card and that you have no ill will towards him.