I ended it so why I am so sad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
I ended it so why I am so sad?
6
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:25pm
My boyfriend and I of 2 1/2 yrs broke up a little more than a month ago. We shared an apartment together and tonight I moved out. He moved out several weeks ago. In the first two weeks of break up we talked a lot and then all of the sudden he told me he can't talk to me or see me at all. He said if I need him to contact him, but we cannot be my best friend. This really hurt me, because he is my best friend. I broke up with him, because he wants us to be together, but he doesn't want kids or marriage. I want to get married and have kids more than anything. I just had this moment where I was so heartbroken he wouldn't make any commitment to "someday" that I just ended things. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I love him with everything in me and I want to be with him more than anything, but to do that I have to sell my wants short. Then I wonder why marry if you can't marry your best friend and the one you love? I am so confused by this. I tried to talk to him about this, but he said, "I refuse to have this conversation with you about our relationship." I don't know what to do.

I miss him so much that after all this time I cry myself asleep. I talk to his friends and it sounds like he is doing really well. I know how devastated he is that I broke up with him, but he said he understood. I'm so confused. Can anyone give me any insight as to why I'm feeling this way?

Thank you, April

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:41pm
You are feeling this way because it is completely normal. We all tend to think the person ending it has no feelings anymore and is immune to the hurt but that just isnt true. Especially in your situation because it wasnt anything bad that happened, you guys were happy with eachother you just dont want the same things out of life. It is hard becuase its not that you ended it because you DONT want to be with him and share your life together, its because YOU DO!!! I cant imagine how hard it was to break things off and I admire that you were strong enough to do it and not sell yourself short on life. Alot of people would not of been as courageous and would have settled.

You will find someone who can fulfill your needs and has the same dreams that you do. I know it is hard to believe but it is def the truth and one day you will realize it too. Just know that the way you are feeling is completely normal. What hurts me so much abt my breakup is that I feel I am losing my best friend in the world, and I am. I am sure you feel that you are too. It hurts and if it didnt then there would be something to worry about !!! Stay strong. It will get better. {{HUGS}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:12pm
Yes... loss is loss whether you choose it or not. In some sense, it is HARDER when a breakup is for these types of reasons because you don't get the anger that might come from being dumped.

Be strong; it is hard to choose what is right for you, but ultimately it's BEST. You will never be 100% happy in a relationship that only gives you back 75%....

Good luck --

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:28pm
welcome to the board!!

I know it must have been a tough decision to decide to end things. But if he is dead-set against the one thing you want more than anything....then you ended it for the right reasons. I think what you're feeling is normal. You still love him so of course you're still sad. Just because you ended things doesn't mean you don't feel bad and grieve just as if he were the one that ended it. I think getting out of the apartment you shared and away from the memories of all the good times will help you heal. This will take time but you will eventually heal and be able to move on. Good luck and keep us posted!!! Feel free to post here anytime!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:48am
Hi April,

I have never posted here before & was getting ready to... & then I read your post. Our situations may be different... but I ended it & I am sad too! I hate this!!! I don't know that I have any words of wisdom, other than the typical "it'll get better in time", but just know that you are not alone.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 4:54pm
If you didn't feel this way I would be worried. It is only normal to second guess yourself and your decision. You should never "settle" for anything less than you want. If you are seeing differences between the two of you now that is a good thing. I don't like to think of it as wasted time, but that's almost what it would have been if you had stayed in the relationship any longer. Even though you are sad now and it is hard to think about a future relationship, there is no doubt in my mind that you will find the person you are looking for. The one that you were with was obviously not him. He disregarded your wanting to talk about the future of your relationship. Is that really the kind of person that you want to be with for the rest of your life? If he has different views on whether or not to get married and have children that's ok, but that shouldn't stop you from having what's important to you. I just ended a relationship of 3 years and i'm sad and second guessing my decision, but I just have to keep in mind that I made the right decision. And i'm starting to think about my future and all the great possibibilities out there for me. I still get lonely and depressed, but I know that I can be strong and get through it. And I know that you can be strong and get through it too. You'll be in my thoughts and remember that you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:08pm
After reading your posts....I was just about to recommend you two to compare stories since I feel the two of you are going through very similar things and I think the two of you could really benefit from sharing notes and supporting one another!!! I wish you both the best and we're here if you need us!!!
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