i feel like dieing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
i feel like dieing
36
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 6:05pm

Hi Everyone,


This is my first time posting on this board, and thought that maybe someone out there can give me some insight.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 9:32pm
Is "I thought I was ready to settle down but I'm not" the same thing as needing space, or are we talking about 2 different things?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:08am
hi there, just wanted to add to the words of encouragement. i'm trying to get over a breakup still (happened three months ago, after three years). the advice everyone's shared with you is spot on. i'm not done with my healing yet, but i know what everyone's saying is the healthiest, best way to get through this.
i kept in contact with him for a few weeks after the breakup. not the best decision, but it helped me start to get over him because his true colors started showing even more. it's now been more than two months since i've talked to him, and trust, it does get a little easier. it'll be slow, and painful, but the longer you can hold out from talking to him, the much better youll be in the long run.
hang in there. spend a little time in bed if you need to, but force yourself out after a few days, and LIVE! rely on your loved ones, pamper yourself, and try not to beat yourself up too much. it's hard i know, especially when you feel so out of control of the situation. carrie, the other board leader, always says "you are not less than" because of the breakup. remember that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:02am

"I thought I was ready to settle down but I'm not" is just a statement of fact. A very good one. At five months into a relationship, it's not a bad thing. I repeat-- that's not a bad thing. Sounds like that was something you were pushing for, maybe even subconsciously with the attached-hips syndrome and the family events left and right? Maybe he was responding to that pressure. If you broke up over that discussion, seems the discussion went out of control. Then again, **everything** happens for a reason.

I'm about to generalize men a bit because they do this more than women do: What I find so funny and so equally frustrating about men sometimes is that they will ride full-sail into a relationship, they push for more time, more togetherness, more everything, and then they usually freak themselves out and pull this "I'm not ready" business and you're left sitting there asking, "Ready for what? Get over yourself." It's not a point of anger or contention, it just is what it is, my Mom says it's always been that way and always will. Take it old-school: It's up to the women to kind of regulate the relationship and set the tempo, and a little slower and a bit more at arm's length than even you'd like is usually the best, at least until there's been real discussion of what the commitment will be in the relationship. If that discussion is not to your liking, then you take yourself out of the equation. See how they like that.

That's the thing about these boards, the people responding have walked in your shoes already, and can come from a perspective you can't even imagine right now. They've been through the mess and the muck, and know what's waiting for you on the other side. You haven't upset anyone, so no need to take it to that extreme.

I can't in good conscience tell you he'll be back, but I can with all confidence tell you that it really will be okay.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 7:53pm

Daisy


Want to see how you're doing today....can you give us an update? I have been thinking about you, hoping things look a little brighter

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 9:58pm
Thanks for thinking of me.....no, things aren't any better today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 10:28pm

Daisy


I'm sorry to hear today was not better...but you know what...it WAS better because you have made a conscious decision to not contact him for 2 weeks- and that is better than a couple of days ago! So Congratulations!!!


Take it one day at a time...you have 1 day down and you can do it.

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