I feel like i have lost my mind
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| Wed, 06-29-2005 - 9:38am |
Hi,
I'm sure there are tons of threads about what i'm about to write, but i just need to get it out. My ex is screwing with my head and i can't get him to talk to me. We only went out for 5 months and we broke up over a year ago. We hung out with the same group of friends, so not being friends was not really an option. For the first few months after our break up we were distant and uncomfortable around each other. But recently we've gotten a lot closer. He's like my best friend. I have always still had some feelings for him, but i never acted on them because i knew that he didn't really feel the same way and preferred that we just be friends.
A few weekends ago, he invites a bunch of us up to his cottage for the day. Everyone else was busy, except for me. So I agreed to still go just the two of us because we've hung out tons of times together alone before and it has always been normal. The whole day was super fun, it started with great conversation on the car ride there and then just a really great time. However, all his buddies who have neighboring cottages treated me like i was his gf. I thought it was kinda strange, but that's the way guys are. As the day progressed, I noticed that my ex was getting more friendly...i saw the same look in his eyes when he looked at me as he had when we first began dating. we were sort of acting like bf and gf and i even thought about what it would be like if we ended up together in the long run. i was telling myself that i was just seeing what i wanted to see. i wanted to hug him so badly, but i didn't because i didn't want to throw myself at him (which i did 2 months after we broke up during a party when i was extremely inebriated - and that was just horrible because i felt so cheap the next day...i even apologised to him because i thought i might have jeopardized our friendship). However, he keeps on flirting with me. Then as i'm lying on the couch, he comes and sits on top of me and starts to tickle me! Friends don't tickle each other. They just don't. And then one thing lead to another. But the thing is that he initiated it! I thought that this was great and that this might be the moment i'd been waiting for. But after it was over, he was distant and quiet. The rest of the evening was a little strained. I tried to hold his hand on the car ride home and he always found some excuse to pull away. I knew that this was definitely not what i was hoping for. I wanted to talk to him about the whole thing in the following days, but he just gave me excuse after excuse about how he's been busy and his phone is not charged! He's avoiding me and I can't take it! Its already been a week and a half. He knew I still have feelings for him, but still he treated me this way. I feel so used. And he's supposed to be my friend. I want to yell at him, I want to cry and tell him how i'm feeling, but he's not letting me.
I feel like i have split personality. Usually i'm mild mannered and always trying to be understanding, but that is totally out the window. I have crossed over from being me to being psycho-ex-gf. I really can't stand this. I am feeling irrational and i can't think about anything else. the only thing that will give me peace of mind is talking to him, but he's not answering my calls. i haven't tried calling him for 5 days, but i sent him an email. still no returned calls. i have never once yelled at him and have put up with so much. am i being totally crazy? i just want to talk to him. A mutual male friend of ours is telling me to just let it go because my ex is "not a big talker" and that he'll just keep on avoiding me if i push it. How can i let what he did go??? i physically can't. i am starting to lash out at this friend for telling me to "let it go because it will prove nothing". My ex uses me and then avoids me for over a week? not so much as a "it was a mistake, i'm sorry"? Should i really forget about it and let it go? Or should i continue to wait and try to get him to talk to me? i really feel like i'm losing my mind and that the earth is going to open up and swallow me. this is the first time i have ever been angry with my ex. i don't even know if he knows i'm angry. He is the most emotional detached person i have EVER met.
I'm sorry for spewing all this out, but i feel so hopeless and helpless. Maybe my only option is to let it go.

Hi karebear, you are going to be ok, big hug. I was in your same shoes for the last year too. He just took advantage of your feelings and thought it would be no big deal to hook up. I made the mistake of allowing that to happen alot. And I couldn't handle it either. I always wanted more, and it hurts that they still don't. I've had to cut off contact completely, not be friends nothing to try and heal. I would recommend that, because otherwise, he will use you and string you along, at the same time remind you that you are just friends. He does like you and probably meant no harm, but if just hooking up isn't enough, then you'll have to let it go and walk away. Hugs I know it hurts that they don't feel the same but you will heal and meet someone who will treat you so much better.
Remember he's not being a good friend, you don't need his friendship right now while you heal. Just take a clean break from him to get all your emotions out and get over him. It will be hard , but no contact k?
good luck ,
Grace
Hi Karebear,
I totally know where you are coming from and after reading your post I was wondering if you and I were dating the same guy (lol)! I was in your same situation earlier this year. My ex and I bumped into one another after 6 months of being broken up and he started to act like we were togther. He begged me to go away with him for New Years. We had a great time hanging out, we did hook up and after coming back from our trip he became distant and unavailable--ignoring my phone calls, refusing to respond to my emails, coming up with excuses, always being busy, etc etc. And I felt USED. I wanted answers, I wanted to know what he was feeling/thinking, and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind as well. We never fought, we were never upset with one another, and I did nothing but treat him well, but I guess there was something missing in our relationship. Just like your ex, mine was aloof, distant, and emotionally detached. I never got my answers from him, he phased me out, and has moved on to someone else.
But I did go thru a phased where I did become the "psycho ex". I refused to be played like a fool and I refused to be ignored, but getting answers from him is like beating a dead dog (sorry for that analogy) and all I did was drive myself insane. Letting it all go will be one of the hardest thing you will have to go thru especially when you are left wondering what happened, what went wrong, and what happens next. Just like you, I was left with no closure. You will have to give it some time. I will be hard, it will eat at you for some time and you will experience good days and bad days. The best thing for you to do is not contact him and let him know how much this has affected you or how much he has gotten to you--he's not worth it. Contacting him will only open a wound that needs to be healed and will only put you back to square one. It's hard to just let it go and move on, but I promise in due it will slowly get better.
Some guys are just losers. They play with your feelings and mess with your mind and are just selfish bastards. Best thing for you to do is take care of yourself. Do all that things that make you happy and surround yourself with friends and family. I'm slowly getting over my ex and I still have bad days, but I'm not the wreck I was a few weeks ago.
Take care and hugs to you. We're all here for you.
J
Hi Grace & J,
Thanks for all the support. I'm trying to stay strong and most of the time i'm ok, but then i just get overwhelmed sometimes. The difficult part is that i know i'm going to see him again at group outings and that i'll always hear about what he's up to from our friends. I don't want to cut myself off from my friends and i don't want to put them in the awkward position of choosing. I know i need to take time to get over him. everything is so much easier in the day, but at night when i'm alone with my thoughts is when it kills me. I'm happy to know that you gals are doing so much better now. i know eventually i'll be okay, but i'm just too upset right now. i never thought he would do this kind of thing to me. As stupid as he is acting now, i know he's not a bad guy, which hurts even more. I can call him all the names i want, but i know he's one of the good ones. i know deep down the reason he's avoiding me is because he doesn't want to hurt me intentionally, although he has already unintentionally. i know i shouldn't make excuses for him, but i know him so well. He's being a coward and i thought if he cared about me at all he would find the guts to explain himself. But he didn't. That's what hurts so much. I think it's really screwed up that a large majority of guys out there find avoiding emotional confrontation the best solution. i just have to get a grip on my sanity and start feeling like myself again.
Thanks again for listening to me and sharing your experiences :)
k