I feel myself starting to lose it
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|Thu, 08-04-2011 - 1:41am|
I'm just another girl going through a hard break up. I need advice. Im 17 years old and this is my first major breakup. The pain is unbearable and im not sure what to do with myself anymore. I had been with this guy for almost 2 years, and we have been friends for even more. He was the center of my world for two years. The only person that had ever truly understood me and my crazy mind. we had everything in common. And throught the course of our relationship there have been so many inside jokes, burned cd's, song and movies dedicated to eachother, and everyday items i cant even look at anymore without bursting into tears. every time i hear the song "dream a little dream" and "The way i am" theres this horrible crushing feeling in my chest. He was such a wonderful person and i fell head first into what we had. I opened myself up to him completely and told him things about myself i had never told anyone before. everything was going great last may 5th (cinco de mayo) we celebrated our two year "togetherness" and we were both super happy. then about two weeks ago, out of the blue...he started acting different. we used to talk for hours and hours over the phone about anything. there was never and akward moment and we never held back from speaking our mind. Then suddenly he stopped talking. Now that it's over im starting to see the problems in the relationship. I would always be the one to take the initiative and call or text him. he never really made much effort, although he promised so much and i knew it was hard for him to express himself because he comes from a very reserved family. i started getting upset because i felt i was the only one putting anything into the relationship. he just found it so hard to find the time to call...which hurt more than anything because he would always make the time before. He told me that hes been feeling different for a long time, he feels pressured and that theres things he needs to do before he can commit to someone. I feel lied to, i feel weak, and i feel betrayed. he said he still loves me and that he'll always love me, that im the only one for him. He just cant keep the promises he made to me, for us to be together. He emailed me a week later to check in. And i started to get my hopes up. i tried talking to him about it, but it didnt go good. he kept saying it was all his fault and that he couldnt be there for me like i could be there for him. but he just cant do it anymore. I told him that it was too hard for me to keep hearing from him and i didnt want to talk to him anymore. im not ready for that yet. he seems hurt by that because it was so easy for him to just be friends again. I want to be independent and learn who i am without him. but it's so hard because every aspect of my life reminds me of him and hes taught me so much about myself that it feels like hes the only person who will ever be able to make that deep an imprint on my heart. Im worried that im never going to forget him and ill be miserable for along time. I donno...im just so sad and confused....
any tips?? :(