I feel nothing but pain right now...
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| Sun, 10-23-2005 - 5:54pm |
I recently just got out of a relationship. Actually its been a couple of weeks. I thought that the pain was going away and that I was getting over him, but recently I have been feeling more pain than ever.
With other relationships in the past, it was so much easier for me to get over the guy because we would never really see each other or run into each other once it was over. Now, with this guy, I think its a lot harder because he lives in the same apartment building as me, so I know that I will be seeing him around.
I have this sinking feeling when I hear him outside the building laughing with his friends or when I see him around. My biggest fear, which I know will likely come true sooner or later, is that he will meet a new girl and bring her back to his apartment. I think seeing that or hearing them together within these thin crappy walls of mine would break my heart.
When he broke up with me, I really didnt see it coming. I thought that things were good between us. He basically told me that he didnt want to be in a relationship and that we were too different from each other, so he thought it was best to stop seeing each other. He said he still cares for me though and wants to be friends. I still care very much for him as well. I am hurt by him, but I still think of him fondly and want the best for him. I dont feel that we will be friends though. We are on pretty good terms, but I just cant see us spending time together again. It's just not the same, obviously.
I want more than anything to get over him and move on. I don't want to keep thinking about someone who obviously doesn't have the same feelings for me. But I can't help it. Lately all these memories of us together have constantly been flashing through my mind. Sometimes when a friend of mine brings something up about a certain subject, something will remind me of him and I will relate a story or memory of him to it. And when I speak of him, I still think of him with a smile on my face, even though it hurts...
It almost would have been easier if he purposely hurt me, then I would be able to get over him quicker. I'm not saying that I would want that to have happened, but it's just hard knowing that he never wanted to hurt me-and it's just because our personalities are too different. I never felt it to be a problem, and I didn't think that he did either. And as I've said, it's so hard because he is going to be around for awhile. He lives just a couple doors down.
I just don't know what else to do to help myself. I've written in a journal. I've talked with friends and family. I've tried to receive closure for the two of us. I haven't talked to him in person since the break up, but I messaged him and told him I didn't want things to be awkward between us, and he agreed. I told him I wanted him to be happy, and he said he cared for me. I've been doing all I can to cope. It's so hard, I don't know what else to do. I don't think an hour goes by that he doesn't still cross my mind.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It really hurts right now, and I haven't felt this kind of pain in a really long time....Thanks ahead of time.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, short of moving, there's not a lot you CAN do to speed the healing process...it will necessarily be longer because you can't have no contact with him.
I would do everything you can to avoid contact with him for the time being...and that probably means spending as much time as you can away from home.
The other thing that might help you is thought-stopping...I'll pull up the post about that. Basically, it means every time you start thinking about him, you STOP yourself, tell yourself, "it's OVER, move on", and force yourself to think about something else. It takes a lot of practice but it does work.
Sheri