I feel nothing but pain right now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
I feel nothing but pain right now...
4
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 5:54pm

I recently just got out of a relationship. Actually its been a couple of weeks. I thought that the pain was going away and that I was getting over him, but recently I have been feeling more pain than ever.

With other relationships in the past, it was so much easier for me to get over the guy because we would never really see each other or run into each other once it was over. Now, with this guy, I think its a lot harder because he lives in the same apartment building as me, so I know that I will be seeing him around.

I have this sinking feeling when I hear him outside the building laughing with his friends or when I see him around. My biggest fear, which I know will likely come true sooner or later, is that he will meet a new girl and bring her back to his apartment. I think seeing that or hearing them together within these thin crappy walls of mine would break my heart.

When he broke up with me, I really didnt see it coming. I thought that things were good between us. He basically told me that he didnt want to be in a relationship and that we were too different from each other, so he thought it was best to stop seeing each other. He said he still cares for me though and wants to be friends. I still care very much for him as well. I am hurt by him, but I still think of him fondly and want the best for him. I dont feel that we will be friends though. We are on pretty good terms, but I just cant see us spending time together again. It's just not the same, obviously.

I want more than anything to get over him and move on. I don't want to keep thinking about someone who obviously doesn't have the same feelings for me. But I can't help it. Lately all these memories of us together have constantly been flashing through my mind. Sometimes when a friend of mine brings something up about a certain subject, something will remind me of him and I will relate a story or memory of him to it. And when I speak of him, I still think of him with a smile on my face, even though it hurts...

It almost would have been easier if he purposely hurt me, then I would be able to get over him quicker. I'm not saying that I would want that to have happened, but it's just hard knowing that he never wanted to hurt me-and it's just because our personalities are too different. I never felt it to be a problem, and I didn't think that he did either. And as I've said, it's so hard because he is going to be around for awhile. He lives just a couple doors down.

I just don't know what else to do to help myself. I've written in a journal. I've talked with friends and family. I've tried to receive closure for the two of us. I haven't talked to him in person since the break up, but I messaged him and told him I didn't want things to be awkward between us, and he agreed. I told him I wanted him to be happy, and he said he cared for me. I've been doing all I can to cope. It's so hard, I don't know what else to do. I don't think an hour goes by that he doesn't still cross my mind.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It really hurts right now, and I haven't felt this kind of pain in a really long time....Thanks ahead of time.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 6:17pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, short of moving, there's not a lot you CAN do to speed the healing process...it will necessarily be longer because you can't have no contact with him.

I would do everything you can to avoid contact with him for the time being...and that probably means spending as much time as you can away from home.

The other thing that might help you is thought-stopping...I'll pull up the post about that. Basically, it means every time you start thinking about him, you STOP yourself, tell yourself, "it's OVER, move on", and force yourself to think about something else. It takes a lot of practice but it does work.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 7:22pm
You're in a very tough spot. I know that I would never be able to get over someone I saw on a daily basis. I would consider moving. I know that sounds extreme but it may be something to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 5:11am
thanks for your responses. moving out really isnt an option right now, as good as that might be for me. i am not planning on living here forever, just until may of next year, and im thinking that things will be better by then anyway. the thing is, im bound to run into him either way-because we attend the same school. i know that i have to accept that he will be around, and although i may not see him all the time-he will be there, i will hear him, i will hear about him. thats what makes it so hard. i am trying to be strong. i like the idea of thought-stopping. i will work on that, but i know it wont be easy. i guess the thing that also hurts is the fact that he seems completely fine--going out with friends and laughing out loud...and here i am, feeling pain. its just not worth it,i know. but im trying so hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 9:31am
I know exactly what you are going through because I am going through the same thing. Its been a few weeks for me too. For me personally this is the first time that I have ever been in love. This man was everything to me so not only have I lost my boyfriend and my lover, I lost my best friend. I have been through many break ups even a marriage that didnt work, But I have never felt so bad before. I just want to say to you that you are not alone and even though we both think that we will never get over them, we will. What doesnt kill us will make us stronger and god never builds a mountain we can't climb. We just have to reach deep inside our selves and find our strength. I hope that things get better for you....