I feel shafted
Find a Conversation
I feel shafted
| Sun, 07-03-2005 - 6:34pm |
My fiance and I broke up very recently. Initially, he said he wanted us to take some time apart, but then I found out that one day into our "time apart" he was having sex with another girl - by the way, sex with other people was NOT part of the agreement. So, I broke it off. Through a mutual (very trustworthy) friend, I found out today that he realized once I broke up with him that he didn't really ever want to be with me. My question is: how could he have not known this until we broke up? I guess my feelings are that I (like everyone else) wants to feel wanted and I thought I had that with him. I guess I just want to feel that I mattered.

JS,
I wish that I could answer your question. All I can tell you is that I sympathize with you, my fiance and I broke up a week ago because he "does not know what he wants from his life." I am shocked, taken aback, and feel like just crawling into bed and crying.
The bottom line is that it's not about you. Presumably, this man asked you to marry him. He is an adult, if he did not want to be with you, then he didn't have to ask you. So to say that he didn't ever want to be with you is a cop out and a lie. If he didn't want to be with you, then he wouldn't have.
Second, please ask your friends not to repeat these things to you. It's not helpful and you could have lived your whole life and never have known that he said that.
Third, be glad that you didn't marry this cheater. If he cheated now, then he would have cheated after marriage and it would have hurt the same then, if not worse, especially if there were children in the mix. I know that the third point does not make you feel better. I *hate* it when people tell me that a broken engagement is better than a divorce. They both hurt. But a broken engagement is better than a divorce.
There is a man, actually several men, in the world who will love you for who you are. And not only will they love you, but they will have the maturity and integrity to honor a commitment to you as well.
Hang in there. I know it's tough. Not a day goes by when I don't cry, but things will get better.
Mariposa,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I also feel for you. It kills me to know that some other bastard has done this to another good girl like me. But, on the bright side, we were just too good for them, that's it.
Try to stay strong sweetheart. The fact of the matter is that this new relationship of his isn't working out exactly as he had planned and now he wants to come back to you like nothing ever happened. However, you need to recognize that no matter what he says or does, the fact remains that when given the opportunity, he treated you like garbage. You deserve better! He's made his bed, now he's going to have to lie in it. He's an adult and made choices to turn his life upside down. I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your life, but at least in my case, I tried to talk with my ex about things (I had so many questions!) and all it did was keep stirring up those negative emotions. It was almost like a drug to talk with him, as if there was still some window of hope for that old relationship. However, there never was any hope for that old relationship and all I was doing was torturing myself. It's been six days since I've talked to him and every day I grow stronger and am feeling more at peace. Hang in there! We're pulling for you!
Jennifer