I feel sick
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|Tue, 07-02-2013 - 4:40pm|
Sorry in advance is this is long.
I just broke up with BF of 3 years . . . and I got blindsided. I didn't see it coming. We had a discussion about 5 months ago about where we were going and at the time we just put it on hold because of work/family/house issues. In retrospect I supose there were signs about his inability/unwillingness to commit, but we seemed to be working through that slowly. I thought things were going well in the past few months but I guess I was wrong. I had no warning (literally he came over, helped me do some things around the house, watched tv for a bit and then said "we need to talk"). Within an hour he was gone with all of his things (I told him to take them).
I was with him through the lowest point of his life (his words not mine) where he went through a major depression and gained almost 50 lbs and did nothing but work and sit on the couch. He told me at the time that I was the best thing in his life and the only reason he hadn't completely lost it. Now he's feeling better and getting out and about again, and I guess doesn't need me anymore. I feel a bit used to be honest.
His logic is that after three years and at our ages (I'm 31 he's 37) he should know for certain that he wants to marry me, and the thought causes him anxiety. He says he still loves me and will always be there for me and eventually wants to be a part of my life (whenever I am ready), but personally I think he's just trying to make himself feel better. I never asked him to marry me. I have things to do before marriage, I just wanted to know that is where we were headed.
I know the first question everyone will have is "is he cheating". I asked him and he said no and I believe him. One of the things I admire most about him is his honesty and when he gives his word he follows through. I guess I should be happy that this happened now rather than a year or two or three from now, but it still hurts.
How long will it take to feel "normal" again. I can't believe at 31 (almost 32) I'm starting over again. Sigh.