I fell out of love
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I fell out of love
| Mon, 06-19-2006 - 4:35pm |
How do you leave a great relationship, yet, one that you no longer want to be in? How do you tell the perfect man, I have no feelings for you? Why can’t I just love him? Why can’t I have passion for him? Why have I done such a good job “faking” it all this time?
How do you tell someone who is crazy about you, “I’m sorry, I just don’t love you.”
Someone I’ve had children with and someone with whom I’ve shared the last 9 1/2 years. Dreams change, people change, feelings change. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know what needs to be said, can’t be, with out doing so.
I don’t know that I ever really have been IN love with him. But I loved him and cared for him. I don’t want to hurt him…and I know this would crush him.
He took me out last night and kept saying, “I’m having such a good time with you” and “we’ve really done things right” and “I’m so happy with you”...all of which I answer, yeah….me too.
It’s been a while since I was “in” love w/ him and lately I feel that I don’t love him at all. But I care for him, because he is a good man. He is a good father and actually is a quite good husband. But I feel nothing for him.
I am a little nervous of being alone, sure. But I’m unhappy.
He is a good father. I wonder if sacrificing my children’s happiness for my own is ok? Would it be better to “stick it out” until they are older? Or would that just make things worse? Would it teach them to settle and stay where they are unhappy someday?
I can will myself to not fall for someone else, I can will myself to stay with him, but can I will myself to be in love with him?
I want a divorce…but I don’t want to hurt him. This would be such a shock for him. I’m just so much happier by myself. There is no one else, there isn’t even the thought of the possibility of someone else…there is only the feeling of, “I don’t want to be with him”.
What now?
How do you tell someone who is crazy about you, “I’m sorry, I just don’t love you.”
Someone I’ve had children with and someone with whom I’ve shared the last 9 1/2 years. Dreams change, people change, feelings change. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know what needs to be said, can’t be, with out doing so.
I don’t know that I ever really have been IN love with him. But I loved him and cared for him. I don’t want to hurt him…and I know this would crush him.
He took me out last night and kept saying, “I’m having such a good time with you” and “we’ve really done things right” and “I’m so happy with you”...all of which I answer, yeah….me too.
It’s been a while since I was “in” love w/ him and lately I feel that I don’t love him at all. But I care for him, because he is a good man. He is a good father and actually is a quite good husband. But I feel nothing for him.
I am a little nervous of being alone, sure. But I’m unhappy.
He is a good father. I wonder if sacrificing my children’s happiness for my own is ok? Would it be better to “stick it out” until they are older? Or would that just make things worse? Would it teach them to settle and stay where they are unhappy someday?
I can will myself to not fall for someone else, I can will myself to stay with him, but can I will myself to be in love with him?
I want a divorce…but I don’t want to hurt him. This would be such a shock for him. I’m just so much happier by myself. There is no one else, there isn’t even the thought of the possibility of someone else…there is only the feeling of, “I don’t want to be with him”.
What now?

hi
i think its better to tell him as soon as possible..he has the right to be free..i know you guys have some kids. but this is not a good reason to stay in this relationship.
i know someone she been married for 14yrs with the husband...10yrs ago she end cheating coz she doesnt feel that love anymore with the husband. she been cheating on him for 10yrs...last yr she broke up with the other guy..coz i thought she want to fix the problem with the husband...and later i find out that she start dating someone else. i ask her why she just let go of the husband..she told me she cant..coz she just used that his around also. well its confusing.
atleast you... i'm proud that your not cheating on him...but dear i think its better to set him free...and find someone that will love him.
good luck
I'm in the same boat as you are. My husband doesn't love me the same way I love him. He's not passionate about me, and its not reciprocated. I feel like a complete loser, but I had to do what I did. We were togther for 10 years. I loved him with all my heart and gave it my all/everything/life. But, over time, he started to change. He started to take me for granted, but I kept loving and loving.
Anyway, I told him last night that I'm over it. I want out. It hurts, but I think this is the right thing. I struggled with this decision and also feared that I would be alone. However, I think that it will work out in the end.
Stay strong to what you believe. You are worth every single energy in the universe. If you're not happy, then do something about it. Everyone deserves to be LOVED. If nobody will, then love yourself.. that's where it should begin!
I'm glad you're getting professional help. Don't worry about how other people react. If they tell you that you are strange or weird, then they are simply not your true friends. You are going through some tough times, what you really need is a friend to lean on who won't take advantage of the situation or judge you.
Good luck - and nobody here on iVillage will ask you what the heck your problem is! :)