I finally let him go

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
I finally let him go
1
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 9:48am

ahh. My situation is complicated. Me and this guy got close really quick for 2 weeks before i had to depart for work. My departure was only for 2 months but apparently mr. needy, had to have someone around. He put our relationship on hold and got a new gf. Now, at the time i accepted it because there was nothing else i could do, i just figured he can have his fun but will realize that i am better suited for him. When i bring up how i am going to date other people to....he flips out.

well, he slipped and called her his gf. I told him how much he messed things up with us now. but he kept saying that we'd work things out when i get back, that things would get back to normal when i get back, that he's only with her because i'm gone and if i had stayed we would have gotten more serious.

I love him, but i just can't do this anymore. Everyday it hurts me to know that he's out with her. I haven't been able to concentrate on my work because of this sickness inside that i feel. I've already lost a great deal of weight because i have no appetite. I am flying back home in few weeks for the weekend. I just let him know that i can't take this anymore. I also said that he knows when i'm flying in if he wants to work things out.

So if he calls or reaches out to me.........do i just ignore it? Why can't he just let me go? Did i do the right thing even though in my heart, i know that he is the one for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 9:11pm

I'm sorry to hear about your tough situation.

Maybe I am a romantic a heart, but honestly, I think that if he really was "the one" for you, he wouldn't put you through this. Two months is a long time, but it isn't that long to be away from someone, and if you really, truly care, you can stay faithful for that amount of time. The fact that he found that an impossible thing to do raises a lot of red flags, in my opinion.

I think you did the right thing by telling him that you cannot handle the current situation. I think you need to set a clear boundary with him; that being that if he can commit to being with you and only you, then you'd like to hear what he has to say, but until he has reached that point, you are not interested. You deserve a monogamous relationship if that is what you are looking for, so do not settle for less.

So, if I were in your shoes, I would make that boundary very clear to him. Then, if he reaches out and has made the necessary changes, go ahead and hear him out. If he has not been able to make the changes you need him to make, then move on because what you are asking is not unreasonable.

That's just my two cents. I know this is tough, just make sure you look out for yourself first and foremost, then everything else will fall into place.

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!

Nikki