I give up, just can't do this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
I give up, just can't do this...
14
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:50pm
I just cannot let go and move on. I KNOW I am better off without him, but it's like part of me just will not accept this. We never even had an official ending, so I feel totally unclosed, and I just can't get past that. He called me the beginning of last week to, I'm finding out, most likely see if I'd answer the phone, which I did. Now I feel like the stupidest fool to walk this earth, and even worse, he's thinking he has me hanging on now, because I haven't heard since. I hate the fact that he thinks he "won"...how I am going to move past that??? Also, I feel like a worthless piece of garbage he just tossed away, like nothing between us ever meant anything, and I'm not even worth pursuing. I am just going through the motions of life, I feel so...blank. Everything just seems pointless.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 2:16pm

I swear I am reading about my relationship! Um...your guy isn't in San Francisco...is he?? LOL!

Anyway, personally, I am doing better. I just found this article that gave me the answers he didn't. He is a classic commitment phobe. Check my latest post for the link. It explains everything!! It never would have worked out regardless of what I did or didn't do. It REALLY wasn't about me. He is the one with the issues (and yeah, one would think that I would have known this--which I did-- and gotten over it quickly without all this self torture, but no, I actually had to read it to have it sink in) and really, his life is a sad, lonely and tortured one that he probably doesn't even realize. I do believe he truly WANTS to be happy with a woman--has probably had several great women in his life--but the fear always wins out and he screws it up and leaves. When he said in his "Dear Jane" email "you offer everything a man could want and need" I guess maybe he meant that. For the longest time I have felt he was lying and just saying that since I've heard it so much. But after reading about commitment phobes, I know that even though he may honestly feel this way about me, his fear is too great for him to hang on to me. The loss truly is his and I can now accept that fact. I have made a new promise to myself today to stop hanging on to this man who could have never loved me the way I needed. The man who never met any of my needs. I sent him a closure email 3 weeks ago--more for myself, but honestly, at the time, I was hoping he would respond. He didn't and of course I felt bad. I can't say that I will no longer cry, but I am saying that I will stop with the destructive thoughts. I have printed that article, circled the ones he fell into (almost all of them!!!!!) and will read it and keep reading it every time I feel that I miss him. I guess I don't miss "HIM" but I miss the feeling I had with him and the idea of the future he kept alluding to with me. I can find that again if only I give myself the opportunity.

I hope you too are doing better. Thanks for letting me "chat" with you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 4:09pm
Where can I find this article? I think my problem with my ex was he became a commitment phobe after his divorce twelve years ago. I'd like to find out more about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 4:11pm
disregard request for article. I found it on another posing. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 9:43pm

Hey Sniglet!

Nope, my guy's on Long Island, NY...so if your guy's in SF I take it you are as well? Waaaaahh...it's too bad we don't live closer, we sound like we have so much in common, it would be cool to hang out together. Well, if you are ever on Long Island : ) I found the article you were talking about in your other post, and I found it very enlightening! It made even more things fall into place. Thank you so much for sharing it...I bookmarked it. It made me wonder about myself as well; I say I want a relationship, but then sometimes I'm like welllll...do I really? It's like I want it but I SO need my alone time as well. The guy I was seeing before this guy was so possessive and demanding right off the back, I'm like ewwww...I felt squashed! LOL, it's like I find one extreme or the other! AAARRRGH! Definitely food for thought!

I have my profile set to receive emails from other members, so feel free to contact me there if you'd like or on these boards. I'm always here if you'd like to talk!

-K

Pages