I guess I`ll be here for a bit...
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| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 6:19pm |
4 hours ago, if you would have asked me how things were with my boyfriend, I would have said great. Wonderful. Couldn`t be more in love. We were having a little bit of a tiff over communication, but things were still looking good.
Now what can I say? My boyfriend of 2 years and almost 2 months broke up with me out of the blue.
He said that lately he`s come to think of me more as a best friend rather than a girlfriend, and he doesn`t know if he wants to be with me if he has doubts. So... I guess it`s over. I was surprisingly civil, even though I feel like I`m falling down a very long, dark hole. He wants to try to remain friends.
He didn`t even have the courage to break up with me face-to-face. We were chatting online like we do almost every morning and we were trying to talk out some communication issues we`ve had lately, or so I thought. I was starting to get frustrated with him so I asked if he really wanted to be with me, hoping it would knock some sense into him.
I never, ever, EVER thought that he would come back and tell me that he didn`t know.
I`m doing what I can now...giving him time and space. But I know that it`s already completely over in his mind or he never would have brought it up in the first place and I`ve got accept that.
I feel used and kind of dirty. How could he have made love to me the past few weeks knowing that he doesn`t feel the same way as me? How could he tell me he loves me? Talk to me about our future? I thought that everything was wonderful, we were just having a little rough patch. It never even crossed my mind that today would be the day to end it. I don`t guess you can ever truly expect it in a situation like this but it doesn`t help to ease the pain.
I`ve been crying most of the day now. Every little thing seems to remind me of being with him, even the stupid things. Like I scoured the house from top to bottom yesterday and suddenly today it hit me that he`d never come around to see it so clean, and I broke down. I remembered that I still had the claddagh ring on my hand that he`d given me for our anniversary in April and I took it off and threw it across the room. I don`t know where it went and I don`t know why I feel so guilty for letting go of it.
Oh god...I hope this feeling doesn`t last long because I can`t take it. I feel like I`m about to lose my mind.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup, hugs to you! You sound quite stable and understanding despite being so devastated. It just sucks no matter how it goes down and I don't think the dumpee is ever prepared for it. I know you are hurt right now and alittle shocked. I think it's good though that he is being honest with you, and not dragging it out anymore. It's so hard to think that they must have been thinking about it for awhile before actually bringing it up. But you can't let yourself dwell on why, because you will run circles and never really find closure that way. You two still had great times and shared love and friendship. Don't get down about what or when he decided it (at least try) because it won't change how things are.
If he didn't want to stick it out than you know it's probably for the best. With some more time, and venting, and journaling, a few roller coaster of emotions, then you'll find yourself in a better place and better off without him!! Glad you found this board, I hope you find comfort here... keep us posted on how you are doing!
Grace
Thanks, Grace. :)
I don`t suppose I`ll be around here any more (for now). The boyfriend and I are back together as of today. I got a phone call first thing this morning from him, and he was crying so badly I could hardly understand what he was saying. This from a guy that rarely cries. Actually, I don`t think I`ve ever seen him. Anyways, I`ve told him to make SURE this time because I don`t want to go through that again. We`ve had a bit of a talk and I think there are still a few things to work out, but the important thing is that we`re going to try.
My little problem, though, is that I spent a good deal of time thinking of how I`d be better off without him to cheer myself up and now...I don`t know, it feels kind of weird to be back with him. It`s like he completely changed part of our relationship forever and things won`t feel the same. I guess we`ll just have to see where things go from here. Maybe I just need some more one-on-one time to get settled into relationship mode again after being so abruptly jerked out of it.
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