I guess it is over!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
I guess it is over!
3
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:25am

I have posted on here before -- more regularly over the last 2 weeks. I am having a really hard time accepting that that this is actually it.......but, I have put up my walls and emotionally, I am moving on. I am having a hard time breaking old habits, i.e. emailing him/text messaging him, but I am trying to fight those urges.

I have been friends with the guy for 2 years, and he pursued me for a good portion of that time. We finally got together 3 months ago and the first portion of that was great. I was really happy and everything seemed to fit. Chemistry was amazing and we never had any akwardness at all.

Things changed for me 2 weeks ago. He didn't call me on my birthday and while I new he did have plans that evening (tickets to a show), he never even made an attempt to meet me out that night. He told me he went to bed at 10:00. Then, the following week, he made a comment to some people in a bar that we weren't exclusive (I know we aren't but the way he said it was kind of rude). I questioning him on it on the way home and he said that we didn't "define our relationship." I then discovered a profile on-line and I asked him about that -- and he gave me some answer about how he didn't check it, forgot about it, etc. I had a friend email him and he responded, which means, not only does he check, but he also pays for it -- yes I know that was shady of me, but something just didn't sit with me.

I told him that I needed to know that we were heading in a direction and that exclusivity was something that we were working towards. That was last week! He told me that we should sit down and figure everything out and I agreed. He said, ok, lets do it tonight (that was last Friday). Then, he called and said he was getting sick and was just going to go home. I said ok.

Well, I have had little to no contact with him since then. I sent him an email yesterday saying that, I still think we need to sit down just for our friendship sake b/c we have too much history to just let everything fall apart and his repsonse, "relax."

I suppose his lack of response is my answer, right? Part of me thinks that I am overreacting, but the rational side of me knows that if he really wanted to be with me, he would have made an effort to talk to me about this, to sit down and figure it out.

I am over the whole crying every day thing...and am actually over the anger too. I hate that I am losing his friendship too. I never thought he would act like this. It is so uncharacteristic of him -- but maybe this is why he is 40 and still single -- because this is how he treats the girls he dates -- he uses them and casts them aside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 1:57pm

Hey, I'm sorry you think things have gone south.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:54pm

If somebody tells you that you don't define your relationship.....does that mean that they never will want to? which means we are nothing more than friends with benefits......

that is where I am going. I have no problems taking thing slow or not being exclusive and I said just that, but I need to know that we are seeing each other, that being exclusive with anybody, me or somebody else, is something that he wants out of life, b/c I have never known him to have any exclusive girlfriend. If that is not something that he wants, then we are freinds with benefits.......

That is really the only thing that I need answered b/c I don't want to be friends with benefits with anybody. And this is the question that he does not want to answer or respond to.

The on-line thing ---It really isn't that he is on-line - - we are not exclusive. It hurt ot see him on there, I will admit, but that is not he issue. He told me just last month that he stopped doing on-line 6 months earlier and that it wasn't for him. So, then to hear that it was on there-- it was in contradiction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 12:27am

I understand where you're coming from. At 3 months you want to know where the relationship is going. I just went through a similar situation, but with someone who was bs-ing me most of the time I guess, because he dumped me in a very mean way (see my post titled, "boy, did I mess up"....
No one likes the feeling of being friends with benefits. I'm sure the guy likes it, but if it doesn't work for you, go with your gut, let the guy know what you want, and if he can't deliver, forget it. I know as women we are supposed to just 'go with the flow', but at the 3-month mark you should know where you stand with the guy you're dating.

The guy I was dating also didn't call for my birthday because his parents were in town. He sent me a depressing email though, and called me at 11pm drunk as a skunk. I asked him if he knew it was my b-day and he said yes, but wouldn't wish me happy birthday... now that does not feel good either, so I see where you're coming from. Men.