I hate how this feels.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
I hate how this feels.....
4
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:12pm
I'm 27 and broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years yesterday. I am so upset and torn because the decision was forced on me by my family. He was of a different race and a lot older than me and my family said that they would never accept him and that if I didn't stop dating him, I would lose my family. I am very close to my family and I don't want to lose them, so I told my boyfriend I needed time to sort things out. I love him very much and I don't know what to do. I feel awful for what I put my family through and I feel awful for what I am putting him through now. I hate this feeling......
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:55pm

***hugs***

I'm sorry to hear that you had to make this decision. Being in an interracial relationship can be very difficult. We come from a big family and when my cousin brought home an African American guy, oh my gosh, my grandparents were up in arms about it. But she ended up marrying him and he is such a great guy! Everyone loves him, and luckily it's worked out. I know some other couples in your position though, feeling pressure from their families, and it sucks. It's not fair to anyone involved, and in a way, it's no ones business but you and your BF. Personally, I would tell my family where to go, but I know that's not an easy thing to do either. Have they met him before? Or is it just because of his race and age that they don't approve? Either of those reasons, to me, are ridiculous. They should be happy that you are happy.

Sorry again :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 11:52pm
I am increbily sorry for your pain...that being said...I date interracailly as a practice. I am 13 years older than you and was married for 20 years to a man of the same race and got diovrced. He is a good father and friends, but was a lousy husband. I listened to my parents in a choice of a mate because they hated me dating interracilly. I dated interracially prior to marriage and my first rlationship that caused the painful break up was an interracial one. I am dating someone now who is also of a different race. I have not told my family, but will at some point if this one is meant to last. I will never listen to their prejudice and hate again. If they truly love me, then they will accept things between us, if not , they are not worth it. I have this perspective at 40, but it is something that I have grown into. I guess in a round about way, I am saying DO NOT let anyone hate, even your family's stand in the way of your happiness
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 9:24am
My cousin has gone through the same thing. Her boyfriend was a different race and almost 20 years her senior. He came from a bad neighborhood, had drug problems, has kids from different mothers. Our grandparents did not approve. Her father disowned her. Its destroying her parents marriage, her siblings are all but indifferent to her.
She made a choice. The choice that makes her happiest. She is/was extememly close to everyone in the family and her father's disapproval nearly sent her over the edge. The only person who stuck by her through EVERYTHING was her BF/now husband. He might not have been our first choice for her but he was her first choice for her and really it is none of our business. She has the love and support from just about everyone in the family except for a select few. If Grandpa doesn't like it, that's his problem. Her dad doesn't like it, that is his problem.
If your family doesn't like it, that is their problem to deal with not yours. You can date a person within your race that can beat the crap out of you everyother day, would that make them happier? Do what you want to do. If you want to break up with him, that is fine but do it because you want to not because someone is pressuring you. If you want to stay with him than do that because you want to. You're happiness is what matters, you are the one dating him, not your family.
Good luck. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 9:51am
Nope, they have never met him. Its just the race/age thing. I feel horrible because he is having such a bad time with it too!! He is devistated. That makes it even worse. And I still want to be with him........