I hate myself
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I hate myself
| Sat, 12-01-2007 - 2:08am |
I'm a mess right now. It's 2 in the morning, and I'm sitting here crying. I just broke my NC with my ex. He messaged me online, and against better judgement, I said hi back. And 2 hours later I'm feeling so low. What's worse is after our GREAT conversation, I decided to text his phone. And I told him that I missed him. And he replied and told me that he missed me too. I feel so stupid. Why did I have to tell him that? What good can come of doing such a stupid thing. Ughhhhhhhh I feel so dumb and I regret it so much. He broke it off with me 3 weeks ago...and made it clear that we were OVER this time...and that he can't go back. Why couldn't I save my dignity and not say hi to him, and NOT tell him that I still miss him? I was doing so well too..now I've back to square one, and I hate this feeling. I've felt this feeling many times before, but this is the worst. I have this pain in my chest, like there's a lump there and it hurts so bad and I can't stop crying. I wish this pain could go away, but I almost think that I deserve it. For being so weak.

Sweetie!
Hi co5mogirl,
Beating yourself up will not do any good.