I have to do it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
I have to do it...
8
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 6:16pm
I am embarking upon my first self-instigated break-up. I have no real reason, except that we have different ideas of what a relationship looks and feels like. I've been with him for almost two years. I recently accepted a job and moved across the state to be closer to him. But nothing have changed. I've tried talking to him about it countless times, but it's always unfruitful. I want more and I'm not getting it, I haven't been getting it and I'm quite sure I never will if I stay. So, how do I go about doing this? Can I tell him over the phone, or do I need to be more formal than that? I've just reached the point where I'd rather be alone now than even try to make this relationship work anymore. I've emotionally checked out. How do I go about doing this? I feel terrible, but I can't stay.
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before."
Willa Cather
O Pioneers
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before." Willa Cather O Pioneers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 6:19pm

I would say you have to do it in person...and you need to tell him why you are doing what you are doing and why it is the only way.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 6:57pm

Unless you fear for your safety, a relationship of 2 years deserves an in-person break up and discussion.


I doubt he'll be surprised, since you've discussed what you want quite a few times, it sounds like.


It's not easy ending a relationship of that duration even when you know it's the right decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 7:10pm
The only reason I question whether or not I have to do it in person is because so much of our relationship has been over the phone. I lived in New Jersey for part of it and otherwise, I lived on the other side of the state. Moving closer was supposed to be a way that we could live our lives together more, but it hasn't happened I feel foolish for moving all of this way where I have no friends or family, and he's the only one I know. Because we see each other basically the same amount as when I didn't live so close, that is why I wondered if it'd be acceptable for me to continue the tradition of over the phone. If you guys think no, then I'll do it in person. But when, and how?
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before."
Willa Cather
O Pioneers
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before." Willa Cather O Pioneers
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 7:17pm

I still think in person, but if you would be totally fine with him breaking up with you over the phone, then maybe that's ok in the context of your relationship.


I would ask to see him at his house (so he doesn't have to drive anywhere to be broken up with) as soon as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 7:29pm
I mean HOW, like.. I've never broken up with anyone, I don't know what to say at all. I don't even know where to begin. I hate the idea of seeing him exclusively to break up with him. I don't know how he'll react.. he's not abusive in anyway, so I'm not afraid for that kind of thing. I just feel so awkward about the whole thing.
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before."
Willa Cather
O Pioneers
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before." Willa Cather O Pioneers
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 7:43pm

Again, I can only relate it to how YOU would want to be treated if you were in his place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 8:47pm

I was in an LDR that I just ended after 3 years. I had to end it on the phone because of distance, but as soon as we both got home from college, he wanted to see me in person. We had to go thru the heartbreak a second time. I think you have to end it in person and I think he deserves that. My ex was a mess so in case

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 8:33pm
Thanks for your support, everyone. I broke up with him today. It was terrible for me, not so much for him. He didn't really seem to mind or care. I went to his house, as you all advised, and I just told him I needed to be on my own. I am really sad about it because I really did love him and I wanted a future with him, but he wanted me to be something that I am not. He held me at arms length our entire two year relationship, and I was sick of waiting. So, now I'm single. I hope it goes better next time.
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before."
Willa Cather
O Pioneers
"There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before." Willa Cather O Pioneers