I Have Reached A Low - Need Help!
Find a Conversation
I Have Reached A Low - Need Help!
| Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:10am |
Hello everyone,
I am hoping that some of you can give me some advice. I really need help. My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. Although we have been off and on for the past 6 months. We were together for over 2 and a half years. For the most part, we had a great relationship. We were both so happy and really could not have asked for more. Well, once during a break... he broke my trust and things were never really the same after.
I have been doing well with the no contact, although I have the urge to call him all the time.... I don't.
Apparently, he has a new girlfriend. Someone who he met just days after me. Someone who has nothing in common with him. I have heard that he is attracted to her because he does not have to check in and there is no sex involved (she won't have it) I would guess that this will not work out for very long.
The thing is... after my time away from this guy... I have realized that I love him and could not love anyone more. I know that we have had our problems, but I think they can all be fixed. Our relationship was always built on love... the love was never gone.
I want him back so bad. I want to spill my guts to him and have him take me back. But I also don't want to do this and get hurt.
What should I do? Any advice? Any good stories about getting back together? I am so tired of being sad and crying.
I am hoping that some of you can give me some advice. I really need help. My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. Although we have been off and on for the past 6 months. We were together for over 2 and a half years. For the most part, we had a great relationship. We were both so happy and really could not have asked for more. Well, once during a break... he broke my trust and things were never really the same after.
I have been doing well with the no contact, although I have the urge to call him all the time.... I don't.
Apparently, he has a new girlfriend. Someone who he met just days after me. Someone who has nothing in common with him. I have heard that he is attracted to her because he does not have to check in and there is no sex involved (she won't have it) I would guess that this will not work out for very long.
The thing is... after my time away from this guy... I have realized that I love him and could not love anyone more. I know that we have had our problems, but I think they can all be fixed. Our relationship was always built on love... the love was never gone.
I want him back so bad. I want to spill my guts to him and have him take me back. But I also don't want to do this and get hurt.
What should I do? Any advice? Any good stories about getting back together? I am so tired of being sad and crying.

Nevertheless, after reading all you shared, I'm encouraging you to let go and move on. I know it's probably not what you want to hear. But I think it's something you should do for yourself and your own emotional healing, rather than holding on to the hope that he'll drop his new gf and eventually return to you.
Although you say you miss him and want him back, perhaps what you really miss are the good times you and he shared together and desperately want to fill the void created by the break-up. Also too, I think he's probably just a little more desirable in your eyes right now because he's with someone else, and was the first to get involved in a new relationship.
Forget about him and move on. He violated your trust and has quickly rebounded by starting up a new love affair with someone else.
IMHO, he doesn't deserve you and you deserve better.
Take time to heal and learn all you can from this situation so you'll be ready for a more loving, trustworthy and *stable* relationship.
All the best,
Heymum
You're not alone in the way that you feel and I can completely identify with you. But, most importantly, you will begin to feel better, and this can and will happen soon!
So - why am I saying don't go back - well because I did - more than once, and each time there was a huge high - to be back with someone where there's an instant connection, great sex and real feelings, but then after the high wears off you learn of the things he did when you were apart, you're also reminded of the reasons you split, or that you were 'on off' as you say! You broke up for a reason and I think in your heart you know why that was, and I suspect that 'reason' wont go away, or at least will resurface if you two were to give it another go.
Also don't get too obsessed about the new 'girlfriend' - I think you have two things to learn from this: one is - ask yourself the question - do you want to forever be with a man who is a relationship junkie and seeks to replace lost feelings instantly with a substandard girl who will help fill the void he feels, because he can't deal with actually being alone and hurting for a while - OR - you can tell yourself that he's only with her precisely because he's hurting and is missing you - and poor woman - she's being used - and so is he, by the sound of it. so pity them. You, you're strong, hard and doing well, you're a human who allows yourself to feel. You are better, and in a different league than either of these people.
Tell yourself that you have it in you as a human being to find another man who will love you and be with you consistently, there wont be any on off or breaks of trust. You didn't find him, unfortunately, with this guy - and that hurts - I know, especially when you had a great time initially. The same happened to me!
What you have to do is steer clear of your ex - it sounds like you're doing well on this front - but what i would also suggest is that you ask your friends not to keep you posted if they see him around with this girl - tell them that as part of your recovery you need to be spared the gory details - and it's down to them to protect you. I know this sounds like avoidance, but i think in the short term it can help. The less you hear about this man the easier it will be to move on, and move on you should. you've made a decision, and you're on the threshold of a new life!
As long as you bear in mind that you're going to feel bad, you're going to feel sad and you;re going to want him back and that these are all natural reactions to loss and grief, and they will decrease in time. Keep that list to hand and start a kind of thinking pattern which goes like this: good memory - then remember bad time which happened after good memory - for example with my ex - I think ok - lovely holiday in Egypt, oh yes, well then on the plane back he said somethign really hurtful which upset me and made me think twice about our relationship. You might have to try hard to do this at first, but it will soon become second nature.
Learn to love yourself again and allow yourself time to grieve and to suffer and recover. Let this man get on with messing his, and this other woman's life up. You're out of it, you're the lucky one and now you;re free to meet someone who is going to have love, sex and will want to check in with you because he loves you and likes to feel part of something!
Anyway - keep in touch - let me know your progress!
all the best
katy