I have to see him tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
I have to see him tomorrow
3
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 4:03pm

Hi everyone,


I've posted here a few times since my ex and I broke up a month ago. We were together for almost 2 years (though had broken up once during that time for a 3-month stretch) and the breakup was civil and sad. He is a good guy, but not the right guy for me as he does not want to settle down and make a commitment (the tinyist, most beautful scar on my heart indeed).


We weren't in contact at all, which helped. But earlier today we talked on the phone so that we could make plans to exchange things. I'm seeing him tomorrow. I actually DO have to see him; I'd rather avoid it but it's necessary because of the nature of the exchange.


I think I was doing pretty well until we talked. Afterwards it was like I had been socked in the stomach. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. He briefly mentioned his plans for the weekend and I just felt this horrible unexpected sadness, like "on the weekends is when WE used to do things together, and now we never will again." You would think I would get this by now! Maybe before I had mourned other stuff related to the loss (the loss of physical intimacy, the loss of my date to an upcoming wedding), but after the phone conversation I was actually grieving the loss of him, the loss of what we had. It's awful, and I can't stop crying about it.


I am so sick about seeing him. I was just hoping for some words of encouragement or advice. I'm scared that I am going to break down and cry in front of him, and I don't want to do that. I want to be strong.


Anne

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 6:47pm
I don't have any advice, but I completely understand how you feel. I am the same way with my ex. And we have to meet up at one point too. Even though things were so bad at the end, I can't help reminiscing about the good times - the intimacy, the weekends we spent together, the fact that we had planned a tentative wedding time, etc etc ... (even though that was one of my reasons for breaking up - realizing I wasn't ready for settling down) ... but you know what I do when I find myself "breaking down"? I find something to get angry and pissed about. That keeps me strong. Just don't tear his head off, but find something that bothers you enough to make you say "thank god I'm single again". It works very well for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 11:02pm

Don't give in to those feelings just yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 7:51am

Hi Anne-


You can do it with integrity & class. Be determined to meet him, do whatever you need to do, and leave. Then you can act however you want. Let him have the last image of you being "well put together". It will be his last time seeing you.


I have to at some point dissolve my phone ocntract w/ ex. My break up was not the best, and I broke all no contact rules. Now I am doing no contact, and even not reading the phone bill, so it cannot hurt me. But I will have to talk

seachells