I just cannot deal with this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
I just cannot deal with this!
11
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 5:36pm

Hello,


I am going through a break-up after 7 years and am so lost, my whole world has crashed and burned.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 6:24pm
I know how you feel. My boyfriend of 2 years and I just broke up this weekend and I'm having a lot of trouble getting through it. I miss him more than I thought I could miss somebody, I can't seem to keep my mind focused on my work (grad student-have lots of reading), and go from feeling strong about our decision to berating myself for letting it end, to mentally forcing myself to refuse to contact him. I've found that what helps the most are my friends...they support me, listen to me complain, question, and cry, and just generally help through the process. That and I've been watching Grey's Anatomy nonstop lol. Reading isn't helpful at all so I've been doing the only thing that keeps me occupied and that's watch somebody else's problems. But from what I've heard and read it does get better and day by day it will get easier and before long everything will be back to normal and you'll be happy again. That's what I've been telling myself anyways. Hope you feel better! I know you will=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 6:50pm

Hugs to you both. I'm on day 9 of NC, and it still sucks, but it's getting better. I'm currently taking my Masters thesis course (which is a lot of reading, weekly discussions, and 3 papers). I emailed my professer last Sunday when I broke up with my boyfriend, and explained to her my circumstances. She was really understanding, and gave me extra time to submit my assignments. I allowed myself time to grieve, and I also scheduled time to work on my Masters one hour at a time. As the week progressed, I found that I could concentrate a bit easier each time. I am just starting to feel a bit normal again, and I'm starting to get in touch with my anger (I'll be damned if I'm going to let my ex screw with my Masters program because I've worked too hard to get to where I am). I wish you the best, and I know it's hard, but focusing on your graduate studies will get easier. Just take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, and rememeber that it's an investment in yourself.


hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 6:56pm

I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now, but please know that everyone who reads/posts on here has 'been there, done that' and can assure you that things are going to get better with time. As I've mentioned before, it's only Day 9 for me (we broke up last Sunday), and it's still difficult for me to see him around town. If you read my other posts, I felt the same way that you do last weekend. I'm still taking it day by day, hour by hour. One hour I can feel like I'm getting over it and doing better, the next hour I'm close to tears because I miss him, then an hour later I'm as angry as hell at him for acting like such a scared jerk. There is a lot of wisdom, advice, common sense, and insights on this board. Read the posts, read the suggested resources because it helps. Take care of yourself right now. My thoughts are with you. Hang in there!


hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 9:58pm

Welcome to the board brokenheart68,


Sending you a HUG.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 11:00pm
My fiance and I split up three weeks ago. He decided he just didn't love me anymore after two years and he wants freedom. It just came out of nowhere... for two months before that things weren't as perfect as they usually were but I had just started a new job and was under stress. He was everything I have ever wanted... and for him to just leave me has killed me, I just want him to realize he made a mistake and take me back. I just don't know how to deal with this. When I think of everything we were going to do in the future and all our plans, the wedding what we were like it just breaks my heart... to top it off in the last week we were together we bumped in to his ex and he completely ignored me... how can he just stop loving me in one day? I just can't understand it. He still wants to be friends but I can't deal with seeing him, he's done a complete 360, a couple of weeks ago all he wanted was affection and now he doesn't even want to kiss me... I'm lost and it's affecting everything in my life. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 11:28pm

Welcome to the board mariette_tolmay,


I'm sorry you are going through this.


The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly one you can never have - Kierkegaard


Chances are 'falling out of love' didn't just happen overnight, though it appears to be that way based on his behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:04pm

Hello,


Thanks to everyone for your encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:45pm
Hi Brokenheart68, sometimes tears mean that they are hurting too but they know what is best always doesn't feel good.

Hugs,

 

Dbest

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 1:27pm
Thanks for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 7:08pm

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this, I can really feel your pain in your posts. What worked for me is to not be afraid of the pain and anger and sadness that comes with the end of a relationship. I know it's scary, but you're not doing any favours to yourself if you keep avoiding it. Like I mentioned in another post, just because he doesn't see the good qualities in you, doesn't mean that they are not there. Spend this time to nurture and be good to yourself, and get in touch with all your positive qualities. You sound like a caring and loving person, and you didn't do anything wrong other than to give to the wrong person - someone who is unable to recognize all your positive qualities. It's still difficult for me, my moods change with the hour, but I promise you it does get better if you face it instead of trying to avoid it. Keep reading the other postings here, there is a lot of wisdom, insight, and experiences that will help you move past this relationship. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


hugs, lisa

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