i just can't leave him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
i just can't leave him...
1
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:05pm
i found out earlier this year that my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years had been seeing another woman, FOR 8 MONTHS! i took him back.. i forgave him but never forgot about what happened. it's been an emotional rollercoaster for the last 5 months. i've become this terrible person.. i have continuous thoughts of him cheating on me.. he says he's not cheating on me anymore but he no longer wants to be with me because he thinks i'm crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:07pm


Oh dear

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a tough time lately. I hope I'll be able to offer you some insight, but you most likely won't like what I have to say.

First off, I know you love him. You must have loved him very much to have taken him back after he hurt you so badly. But trying to make a relationship work after trust has been broken is extremely difficult. It doesn't just take love, but also a lot of work. And although you two are together in the physical sense, the hurt and pain might still be there emotionally. Until you are able to deal with that pain, and heal it, you'll never be able to move past this.

Is there hope for the two of you? Of course, there's always hope. But it will take a lot of work. You need to forgive him. And when I say "forgive," I mean not just vocally, but emotionally as well. And you need to ask yourself, are you able to do that? Are you able to trust him completely after what he did? Will you ever be able to have confidence in your relationship with him?

Be honest with yourself. If you are never able to trust him again, then I'm afraid you'll need to let him go. Some people will probably tell you that you're better off without him, or that he's a jerk for cheating. But I'm not going to say those things to you. You can make those decisions for yourself. But please, make the decision that will be best for your emotional well-being. Is being in a relationshp with someone you can't trust good for you? Is that what you think you deserve?

If you think you deserve better, then you really only have two options: #1) keep acting crazy, don't trust him, and let the relationship fall apart. OR #2) Learn to deal with your hurt and pain, find a way to resolve it, learn to trust him again, and heal the relationship.

But in the end, it's all a matter of trust, and whether you'll ever be able to trust him again.

Good luck

Warmsox