I just don't know what to do
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I just don't know what to do
| Mon, 03-10-2008 - 4:38pm |
I seem to be moving like the tides. Into a good place then out of it all of a sudden. Tomorrow will mark 7 weeks since the break-up. I am trying to do the things I need to do just to be here in my life (schoolwork, filling prescriptions) but sometimes, like all day today, it just feels impossible. I want to talk to friends but nobody is around. I really REALLY want to talk to him but I know that would be the wrong decision. I am on day 9 of NC.
I keep reading these stories of people who have hope it might work out in the end. I don't have that. He most definitely is not contacting me, is not interested in getting back together, nothing. I just don't know how to get through the pain. Does anyone else feel like this?

There's really nothing TO do but to keep doing what you're doing and let time pass.
Thanks for your reply Sheri-
I guess my question is how? How does time pass, how do I get on, how, how, how? I could barely do anything today. I have been on sleeping pills since the break-up because I toss and turn and then have the most vivid dreams. I didn't take anything last night and I slept for almost 12 hours. I then took a 2 hour nap today. I can't make it out of the house and I don't want to. I feel like I am just going through the most basic motions.
I had a dream during my nap that I called him and convinced him to let me help him through the end of his reality show. It was so vivid, I don't know if it was real or not.
I am also still going through the why phase. I do know that we had very different ideas about children, marriage and his family's involvement. I pray those are the reasons we are over. He told me that he would move with me anywhere for grad school and that he wanted to experience all of life's emotions with me. Why would he say that a month before he broke up with me?
I just feel horrible today. Nothing is helping at all. Any ideas of what I should do until bedtime? Which will probably be in 2 hours because I have nothing to do with my life...
Oh, man, I've had days like that and I feel for you.
Swallens,
I'm sorry you've felt hopeless lately. I think we all have our good days and our bad ones, not that it makes it any easier. It was brought to my attention this week by an acquaintance that my ex had posted photos online of a party he was at over the weekend, complete with photos entitled "Hot Ladies!". It just seems as if he's moved on, and I'm still stuck in a place where I can't even get out of bed in the morning, just as you are.
For me, it's best for me to really focus on those things that made us break up. In your case, I'd go with Sheri's suggestion of journaling (that helps me too), and just writing out those things that were deal breakers for you. If you really focus your attention on those things that would have made you miserable in the long run, you'll be less likely to try to rationalize why "it should have worked out" in your head.
Remember, the man who will eventually come into your life, the ONE, will support you in the things you want most in life, including children and marriage.
And as for what to do until bedtime...I don't know. :( This is always the roughest time of day. I wish we lived near each other, because I would totally come over and hang out with you and keep your mind off things until you were ready to crawl into bed. ::hugs:: Good luck--give the journaling a try tonight.
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
Edited 3/18/2008 11:47 am ET by uncommononsense
Sheri and uncommononsense-
Thank you for your thoughts and your posts. They really helped me through. I have done some writing but I get to a point where I have talked and thought about it so much that I can't write about it. I think I am going to pick it up tonight though.
I was able to call a cousin and my sister who have been amazing throughout this. My sister said something that really snapped me out of my funk today. She said she was talking to her husband about my situation and how she feels that when things get so serious, the significant other should side with their girlfriend instead of his mom, sometimes. To this, my brother-in-law replied, "Sometimes? No, it is ALL the time in that kind of relationship." I have new found respect for him. :-)
I don't know why that hit me so hard but it did. I picked myself up, went to the gym and thought how I should try to live my life right now. My break-up buddy is coming over tomorrow and we are going to clean, get rid of all the mementos, make collages of what we envision our life to look like and work out. It is going to be a long, possibly cry-filled day, but I know I need this. Then, starting on Wednesday, I am going to make myself get up like it is my job. Work out, get showered, get dressed, get out of the house, do my homework, write friends, eat better and sleep better. Please hold me to this!
I think part of the reason this is so hard is that damn show he is on. It isn't totally over until mid-April. That day is going to be horrible! I am already dreading it. I think that is why I get so sad sometimes because I have this..thing..over my head. I just e-mailed some friends so hopefully we will be going out that night and who knows? I just might flirt with some cute boys!
I really appreciate you both writing me. It is so nice to "find" good people even though we have never met. Uncommononsense- I have been thinking about you. Neither of us has posted and I prayed that meant you were doing better. I was so glad to hear from you. I would still like to set up a time to chat. Let me know what works! It isn't giving real hugs or being in person to cuddle and talk to (I so do that with my friends too!) but it would be something. By the way, my name is Sarah. :-)
Have a good night ladies!
oh god, i know EXACTLY how you feel. i really do. I broke up with my boyfriend last week and it was probably the worst pain i've ever felt in my entire life. The worst. All i wanted to do was lay in bed, sleep for hours and cry cry cry! I completely feel for you right now because i've been there. But really, time is on your side and eventually, with every day, you'll begin to feel better. Sometimes it takes longer for others, sometimes not but one day you'll begin to understand that things are going to get better for you. really. And i understand how hard it is not having that support system of friends to talk to daily to help you through this because you need to talk to someone during these times right? Get those feelings out and begin to pick yourself up. So, you need to tell yourself that you're going to be okay, even though right now, you don't want to believe it. Just tell yourself for the fun of it and then one day and with everyday you tell yourself, you'll begin to believe in it even more. Just take deep breaths and say, "I'm going to be just fine."
I know that right now it doesn't matter what anyone says because it can't change what happened but try to suck in those words of encouragement and if you can't that's okay. And if all you want to do is lay in bed and cry, you go right ahead. Whatever helps you feel better. I bought this book called "He's Just Not That Into You" and it really really helped me. I always thought those self-help books were just stupid but my mom talked me into buying this book and i have to say, it made me feel a million times better. Whenever i am tempted to call him, i just pick up that book and read a few excerpts from it and suddenly, i have the strength to put down the phone and walk away and say to myself," I'm going to be just fine" and believe it. It honestly really helped me a whole lot.
But if you EVER need to talk, you can private message me or e-mail me. i think my address is under my profile or something like that. I really know how you're feeling right now and i totally understand. Things are going to get better...believe me. Don't hesitate to e-mail me. You're going to be just fine!