I just don't understand...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
I just don't understand...
1
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:10am

(also posted on mending broken hearts)

It's been 2+ weeks since my ex and I broke up and I am still reeling. Basically, what is torturing me is that my ex still wants me in his life. When I asked why he said that he loves me (btw, he only ever said "love" to me while we were breaking up), I'm his best friend, I understand him on a fundamental level that basically no one else does, I'm the most amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman he's ever met, without me he would feel "like a piece of him was missing" and I'm "irreplaceable." And he still "wants" me. But he doesn't want me as his girlfriend. Though "in time" (like, years) there could be another chance for us. Yes, it's a total mindf*ck.

And yeah, I've heard all about the relationship just not "fitting" and crap, but I just don't understand. I don't understand how all the signs could point to "yes," but then, "no." I don't understand how my feelings could be so misplaced. I don't understand how he can just reject me when he doesn't really want to let me go. I don't understand how I'm supposed to move beyond being in love with him and just be his best friend. How to even fathom a platonic relationship with a man who I gave myself to so completely and loved with such reckless abandon. I don't understand how I can trust him not to shatter me again.

Then again, I don't understand how I'm just supposed to let go of him, move on, and not talk to him for...months? years? never again? when I want him in my life SO badly. Not even as my boyfriend--b/c though it would be nice and I'm still in love with him, rationally I know it just wouldn't work right now, if ever--but as my friend that I love so dearly.

Granted, I'm not trying to make any decisions now, and all I'm giving myself is time and space away from this guy, but I. Just. Don't. Get. It. I've never done this "breaking up" thing and I am totally bamboozled.

Is there anyone who can help me sift through this giant confusing mess? Offer any words of wisdom? Help....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 3:49pm

"And yeah, I've heard all about the relationship just not "fitting" and crap, but I just don't understand. I don't understand how all the signs could point to "yes," but then, "no." I don't understand how my feelings could be so misplaced. I don't understand how he can just reject me when he doesn't really want to let me go. "

All I can say is that the relationships that are ALMOST the perfect fit are the hardest to give up.

Soledad