i just dunno...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
i just dunno...
2
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:05am

hey,
i left a post on here about a week ago or so explaining my situation - bf cant deal with the distance and we have broken up. Not for the first time. He has always had a problem with me having my own life and it has come to a head with us breaking up. He keeps getting in contact, and i keep ignoring him. He wants to b friends but i cant see that happening. We have tried that b4 and he has always begged me to take him back. He says if u love somone u cant kick them out of your life. is that true? do u reckon that we should keep in contact?

also, Im at uni atm, have been for a couple of terms. This whole relationship thing has got me thinking about my future. All the time ive been at uni it has been tainted by our relationship. I have only few close friends who i can talk to, and even they are getting fed up of me talking about it. I feel like when im there im just killing time, not rele living my life. I am tempted to drop out, go home and do a course, get a job etc.. I just have to decide soon becos of money issues. I rele dont know what to do. i just feel trapped at uni, and altho i have fun at times, its difficult. My worry is that i wil come home and have no friends. I am rele stuck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
In reply to: gawd1505
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:22am

Only you can decide if it is worth having him in your life as a friend. Can you accept him as only a friend and stand by your convictions that this can't turn into anything more if he trys to push it in that direction? And what sort of happiness will having him back in your life bring you? If it is just the hope of getting back together eventually, well that isn't helpful to you.

I also think you need to separate your school life from this relationship. There is no better place to make friends then on a college campus. If you really hate school and are not happy there because of school, then it wouldn't hurt to explore your other options, but if you are only miserable at school because of what is going on with your relationship, well that isn't really a good excuse to leave.

One of the better things I read out of the "It's Called a Break Up Because it's Broken" book was to get yourself a break up buddy and let them know that you will probably be talking about this for the next 2 months, but then you won't bother your other friends with it and they won't get annoyed with you. The only time I tell anyone else about it is if they ask and even then I save the gory details for my break up buddy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: gawd1505
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 10:12am

hey, thanks for the reply

I dont know if i can stand by my convictions.no. I would like to think i could but in reality i rele dont know. I dont know whether he could bring happiness into my life. We were friends before the relationship so i know we have somthing good friendship-wise. Its just i dont know that i wotn get funny when he tells me what hes been doing and vice versa. Also, i dont know if i could deal with it if he got with someone else. I just think we were too close and it was too intense; to be friends. I just think its a shame becos he means alot to me and as i said, we were friends before (actally i wnated to be friends and he wanted to be more!!)

I just dont know what to do about college. I dont rele like my course and i have no interest in it. I would be going for the social side. even then, my friends arnt rele keen on going out- they r mostly in couples. I just spend most of my time with the same people. I am worried tho that if i leave then ill end up with no friends at all.

Yeah, the break up buddy is a good idea. Ive been talking to my mum alot- but obv she wont be there when i go to college. As for eveyone else, i have a few close friends but they have their own problems and i think are fed up of hearing stuff about me. Also, they are getting into reltionships and thus not rele be there all the time- i feel like im alone. Thus i rele dont know who to go to. I find at college i feel a little lost and alone, but when im at home i feel comforted.

i rele dont know what to do...eveyhting feels so pointless.