I just found proof he's cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011
I just found proof he's cheating
6
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 7:49am

I am so heartbroken now, I have just found out my boyfriend of 6 years is cheating on me. I feel really lost and don't know what to do. We have been together since I was 20 and had our ups and downs, made many mistakes along the way and grew together, moved in together and I just can't imagine life without him. There's no point trying to psychoanalyse what went wrong, nothing will ever be the same again. We just came back from vacation, went for a romantic break which we both needed so much and things were going good, I just turned 26 and we both remembered why we mean so much for each other, we had a really lovely time just looking back through our relationship and our time together. Well today I found photos and videos on his computer, photos of himself having sex with another woman, and videos of her performing sexual acts on him. I can't even begin to tell you how my whole world came crushing down on me. He is at work at the moment and doesn't know that I know. I'm not the type of person who is confrontational or who screams and shouts. I can't tell anyone else either as all our friends are common friends and our families are really close as well. This is why I came on here, I have no one else to share my pain with and I really don't know what to do. I don't want to understand why he did it, we both said that we would forgive anything but cheating, I feel like I wasn't enough for him even though he tells me all the time how I am his everything. How can I be his everything when he goes and sleeps with other people? There is also a photo of himself naked which he took in the mirror on MY birthday last week and it's named 'for adele' adele being that woman in the pics...

I don't want to make a scene and I don't want to argue, I just want to know how to cope with this without it killing me. What life is out there for me without him? Where do I go? I'm so lost right now :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 8:05am
You need to pack up and leave.Go to your parents, friends , family or hotel.Just tell them you guys broke up and you need a place to stay for a few days.When you are a bit calm, get your own place.

Leave a note for him and let then computer be 'on' so he knows that you found out . Dont leave your forwarding address.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 9:45am

When I was 25, I found out my husband of 6 years (he's the father of my 3 children) was having an affair with my best friend (some friend!).


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 4:19pm

Like someone said - pack your bags - get out - next make an emergency appt with gyno for testing - that is the 2nd thing you do

You need to share this with someone

Its devastating - this will make you stronger and you will find those tiny red flags when you start dating again

This is like congressman Weiner all over again with pics in mirror.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 10:21am
thank you so much for your replies. i couldn't bring myself to tell him so i just acted like nothing happened in the hope that he'll come clean but he hasn't. he even swore on my life that he'd never do anything to hurt me lol!
i've done more digging & found out that he also uses swinging websites and escorts. I have an appointment to get checked out at the dr this afternoon. I am so devastated by this, i really don't see a future for myself without him but don't wanna be a doormat either. i wish this were a bad dream from which i could wake up. im scared to confront him, he will blame me for it. a few years ago i had a termination & have been left with a really low sex drive so whenever something bad happens he blames it on me...is it my fault this time? im so confused & hurt :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 4:45pm

You're

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2011
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 10:07am

I've left, it's been 3 days now since I found out and I can see thing clearer. I am staying with my sister and signed a tenancy agreement to move in with friends and go back to uni. I've always postponed uni so I can be with him but now it seems it will be the perfect opportunity to do this, and to live with 3 other girls and have fun. It still pains me, and since then I found out even more horrid things, such as videos of 4 different tramps (i'm sorry i have no other words for them) who were giving him oral sex...and they filmed it! I'm starting to think it's like a club as you can hear people in the background...i got checked out as well and i'm clean, thank God! I'm not angry, just disgusted...this isn't the man I fell in love with. He got mad at me for going through his computer and blamed it on me, as I wasn't giving him enough sex...I am heartbroken but relieved in a way that I found out now and not in ten years time. I don't think I'll be able to trust another man again, I'll always wonder if he is doing anything behind my back...but I'm ok with that, I'm quite content being by myself now, not having to worry about anyone else for a change. The thing that baffles me the most are that all those girls in the videos, they're all fat and ugly (sorry but it's true) so it makes me wonder what do they have that I don't? My sister said that they are probably willing to do anything but even so I never thought he would sink so low...:smileysurprised: