I just need some reassurance

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
I just need some reassurance
1
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:45am

Ok...broke up with this guy 8 months ago. I posted not too long ago how I still had feelings for him. Right after we broke up I got involved with this other guy just to take my mind off my breakup and the pain. I finally ended it with him as it was going nowhere, and here comes those hurtful painful feelings again for the first guy. Like the break up just happened. Was I just masking my pain and prolonging it by jumping to someone else so quickly?

Also...did I do the right thing when I broke up with him 8 months ago? I thought I did at the time and now I'm having second thoughts. I think I did the right thing. Short summary. We had dated for 1 1/2 years. We were 22. He lived in nashville going to college and I lived in pgh. We met in Pgh both from there. We did the long distance thing for that 1 1/2. We saw each other at least once a month. He told me he wanted me with him. So I found a job and moved there. He then broke up with me for no good reason leaving me with no one in nashville. Then he came back and I let him. He broke up with me again for no reason...came back again and i let him because he said he wanted to marry me and have children with me and led me to believe we would be getting engaged in a couple months. 8 months later he wasn't even ready to commit to living with me without having someplace as a backup, and told me that he wasn't sure if he was the type of person that could ever get married. So I broke up with him (even though he didn't want to break up) because I want a family. What do you think?




Edited 3/12/2007 9:46 am ET by ahrorah
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:16am

Okay, I too am going through a breakup and its HARD. Even though for me, it was only a few months, at my age (35) it seems like I meet fewer and fewer guys that I am excited about.

Now, from reading your post--- you're young--- and have PLENTY of time ahead of you to meet men that you can TRUST. If this guy continually breaks up with you--- then how can you TRUST him? You can't--- and that's key in a relationship. Imagine ten years from now, married with kids--- if he's not trustworthy now--- its not going to change. I see it now, with people who are getting divorced. Marriage doesn't change who people are.

Secondly, the other guy-- yeah its easier to have an in-between guy--- and that did keep you from dealing with your feelings. Now, guess what--- you have to deal with them. So, I would recommend journaling, working out (they say 20 minutes lifts your mood!), finding activities and new friends. Its easier to go back to something that sucks then to make real changes.

But from what you describe, I wouldn't go back--- you can't trust him--- and at ANY age you shouldn't be waiting around for him to get his act together. This was a mistake I made in my 20's, thinking, "if he didn't just transfer to my college he would be ready" or whatever job, family. If a guy is READY the timing will work.

But hang in and know there are others who feel like you--- confused and hurt and wanting to know what life has in store for our future!