I know he made a mistake...
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I know he made a mistake...
| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:20am |
I am so frustrated that it's been a year since my break up and my ex hasn't contacted me at all! He just left me out of no where after dating 4 years! So, we're just never going to talk again?
Can guys date someone for 4 years, dump them, and then NEVER talk to them again?
I know he made a mistake leaving me because I did EVERYTHING for him and no other girl is going to be that stupid...But- I don't want to get back with him... However: I do want him to miss me! Ugh... Can I get that???!!!

One thing to remember is this: Just because he hasn't contacted you does NOT mean he DOESN'T miss you. Maybe it's easier for him to NOT contact you because it would open wounds that he is trying to heal. I'm sure you cross his mind.
I know when my ex and I broke up and had No Contact for 45 days, I missed him alot. I thought about him, wondered what he was up to, heck - at one point, I thought maybe he had even moved out of town because I never saw him anywhere. When we got back together (big mistake), he told me that yes, he did miss me, but he knew it was better NOT to talk to me because things were still too fresh and he didn't want to hurt either of us.
Men grieve differently than women. Women tend to constantly think of the 'good times' and that makes it SO much harder to forget and put things in the past. Men tend to try to ignore their feelings about the 'good times' so that they can focus on moving forward.
It sucks and it hurts, but don't make assumptions. After 4 yrs, I do find it somewhat odd that he hasn't contacted you at all, but, would it REALLY be any better if he DID call you up one day? Wouldn't that be like picking the scab on your wounded heart? Be thankful that didn't happen.
Here's the flipside of "he's probably grieving as much as you":
::However: I do want him to miss me! Ugh... Can I get that???!!!
What if ~~POOF~~ you got your wish, he misses you.
You know... I think we all like to be pursued. However, do you really want to be pursued by someone you don't want in your life? If you're better off without him, my thinking is that you're better off not hearing from him.
I just noticed your subject... he made a mistake. Does this mean that you DO still have feelings for him? If so, then I think you need to work through that so that you can be happy and move on :)
run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and purchase _It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken_. Take a hot bubble bath and while doing so, read the aforementioned book cover to cover (it is possible, trust me). Then, get out of the bath and write to us.
We are your Breakup Buddy. (You'll know what I mean after you've read the book).
I don't think you meant to reply to me on this, but I concur!
Oh, your screen name after the Iron & Wine song? One of my favs.
whoops! sorry about that reply -- so i guess you have to reply directly to the person's first post for it to go to them?
anyway, iron & wine, yup -- :)
Where did you get the idea that a healthy relationship involves one party doing EVERYTHING for the other, or that that is the way to keep a man? You yourself label that "stupid", so why would you want to be stupid?
Maybe that is part of the REASON why you are broken up. Instead of using this time to be frustrated that you haven't heard from him, maybe you would use it better to get counseling as to what constitutes a healthy relationship. If you did everything for him, no wonder you are feeling lost. You may have lost yourself momentarily.
He may HAVE made a mistake, but until and unless he believes that, you are wasting your time. In one year, he has probably moved on with his life to a large extent. It would be wise for you to do the same.
"I am so frustrated that it's been a year since my break up and my ex hasn't contacted me at all! He just left me out of no where after dating 4 years! So, we're just never going to talk again?
Can guys date someone for 4 years, dump them, and then NEVER talk to them again?
I know he made a mistake leaving me because I did EVERYTHING for him and no other girl is going to be that stupid...But- I don't want to get back with him... However: I do want him to miss me! Ugh... Can I get that???!!!"
When I say that i did everything for him, i dont mean just physically did everything for him. I mean that i was always there for him emotionally, and supportive towards his goals. I was financially supportive when he lost his job, even though I shouldnt have been. I was always truthfull, and honest with him. I did EVERYTHING a guy COULD ask for. and now he acts like i was a horrible person...