I know I need to leave...but how?
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| Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:20am |
Hi All,
Im new here. I know the answer to my problems I just dont think I am ready to do it. I guess I just need to vent and get some helpful advice.
My BF and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have lived together for the last year. There is a big age difference as I am 7 years older than he is. Up until 3 weeks ago we had a normal relationship. Loving, argument here and there, just the norm. Well in the last 3 weeks 1 night out of the week he doesnt come home. He goes out with his friends and drinks and then spends the night at J's house because he is to *drunk* to come home. The first time it happened he came home in the morning and appologized. I was mad but my feelings were more hurt than anything. The second time it happened it was his birthday and I was really angry but I told him that I would get over it but I was not going to deal with it again. Well last night he went out, told me he was coming home. At 1:30 am he called me and told me he wasnt coming home because J was to drunk to drive him. I was really pissed but I was glad that he at least called.
So he gets home this morning before I leave for work. He says nothing, so I said nothing. Before I left I said "What is the deal, you come home and dont say anything?" He says "Well you didnt say anything" UM GEE Im not the one who stayed out all night. So I left. I called him and told him that I was upset and he started screaming at me "You know its not my fault. He was to drunk to drive me home, I called and now all you do is B!tch at me. F*CK you, Im sick of your SH*T!" And he hung up on me! So here I am feeling bad. I called him just a few minutes ago and told him that I didnt want to fight, I just wanted to try and work things out. He says "I dont want to fight either but what the F*CK do you want me to do? All you do is start with me"
You know if I ever didnt show up he would leave instantly! I dont understand why I cant be strong and just tell him that I dont need to put up with this! I dont need to be talked to like that! UGH I feel so horrible. I am so mad at him becuase I know this isnt my fault but at the same time I feel ill just thinking about how he turns everything around to make me look like the bad guy. Is this salvagable or should I just be done? Im sorry this got so long. Im just really sad. He makes me feel like I am worth nothing to him!

geeez! What an idiot he is!
Sorry... just what you wrote made *me* mad. You're right- DON'T let him turn this on you, like you're nagging him, you're "starting" with him. He knows coming home late/not at all upsets you; you've voiced this to him before. So for him to continue doing it is disrespectful and hurtful. He's being selfish.
I say tell him to get his crap and get out. You don't want the drama of not knowing when he's coming home and you definitely don't need someone yelling at you- you are not being unreasonable.
You sound like the more mature one in this relationship (obviously) and I'm not just saying that b/c of the age difference.
Don't feel horrible and you can be strong. Stick to your gut instinct... who knows how many more times he'll come home late and blame you. Do you want that to continue? I know this is all easier said than done, but start thinking of your feelings. And know we're all here to listen and help!
Hi aksteiner, welcome to the board!
I agree with Shadow.