I know I'm not perfect, but is it me???
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I know I'm not perfect, but is it me???
| Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:59am |
I know. All of these sad, angry, and gut wrenching feelings will pass. I know this. I can pretty much deal with the fact that he left me for no good reason. I can handle the fact that I'm, once again, alone. However, I can't handle the thought that I may just be an unlovable person. I've had a bad relationship, one after the other. In the past, I realized that the relationships I've chosen have been bad for me because of abuse, cheating, etc. I can and did deal with those losses. But with this last one, I really thought I had met someone who was shall we say *normal* and that I could finally be happy within a *normal* relationship. Now that he's pretty much dumped me (ooh that hurts to say!), I do have to sit back and figure out what it is about me that is just not lovable. Maybe all along, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm a good person and I have a lot to offer when in reality, maybe I really don't. I would still like to think that I do, but I'm *seriously* questioning it. I'm not in a good place with myself right now and I'm afraid that I'm only going to dig myself deeper.

Now, now, it's easy to feel this way after being "dumped". We have all felt that way... but remember, one person cannot determine your "lovability". I'm sure you have a lot to offer, you just need to re-focus... you're here on this board being open, honest and sincere, right? Those are great qualities!
Have you tried seeing a therapist or reading any of the books suggested on this board? They have helped me dig out of the dark times. Surround yourself with good friends and family that can remind you what a great person you are. Now's the time to be selfish and be good to yourself and maybe figure out why you gravitate towards relationships with abuse/cheating/etc.
hang in there... it's so cliche, but time does help heal.
I hate to keep mentioning the book, Men Who Can't Love, but it says in the first chapter that so very many women start questioning their lovability when a commitment-phobe leaves them, and why they seem to attract unhealthy relationships, when the fact of the matter is that there are just a whole lot of c-phobes out there.
When my Ex left, he not only took my heart, but my self-esteem. I think that is what I resent most, and what I am having to work so hard to restore. But with the love and support of my friends and my therapist, and all my self-help books, I will be just fine. It just takes time. Hang in there with all the rest of us.
dont put yourself down. things happen for a reason so stop blamming things to yourself. i'm pretty sure nothing wrong with you. what you need to do now its to put things together. think what makes you happy in a relationship. seek for the truth!
coz most of the time people are blind if their inlove. they dont see the truth! good luck
Hi. My boyfriend of 8 months just "dumped" me tonight. I hate to use that word but I noticed it in a few of the previous posts.
Your feelings are like the words coming out of my mouth and I am so glad that I read your post. Before this ex I had another BF for 7 yrs that completely did a number on me. I have grown and learned from that experience...kinda like the fine tuning on a violin. I have learned to trust your instincts and follow your gut. Yes, the help of your friends and family help too but when you're in the thick of things it's hard to see out. Women are blessed because we have this sence (at this point in my life I am convinced that men don't) and we should never deny it.
My situation is also unexplainable to me. Everything was wonderful in the beginning and then it slowly went south. By the time that happened I was holding on to anything. He blamed his issues on stress with work etc...but my intuition was sounding an alarm. I don't even think he was aware of what his subconscious was doing to our relationship but eventually the same outcome occured and he did break up with me. Things happen for a reason and be sure that whatever you experienced in this relationship would have worsened tremendously had you still been in it.
For help through the tough times I look to friends, books even therapists (probably the best out of them all is the therapist because their impartial and will tell you honestly if you're off your rocker!),church or wherever you can find a support group. I need to do the same thing now and I know from previous experience that the 1st step forward is the most difficult. We all have a vice...you just need to find yours and before you know it everything will be fine. We must think positive thoughts for positive things to happen to us.
Good luck!