I know im only 18 but still it hurts....
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| Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:04pm |
I've been in love with 1 man for 4 years, lived with him for 1. Over and over I heard from older friends and family saying, "You don't know what true love is." "Its just puppy love." My ex had recieved the same feedback from people and we overcame soo many obstacles together that other "puppy love" couples could never do. We loved each other til no end, despite a few clashes personality wise here and there, things had appeared as if they would last forever, til 3 months ago. I constantly ask myself what did i do wrong, and then i constantly ask him what did i do wrong and he always says "its for your own good". "I dont feel the same about you anymore" "Its not you its me" several different reasons im soo confused as to which one is the real reason. All i know is that my heart feels totally destroyed. Those same people who said it was only puppy love the only thing they say to comfort me is "Don't worry about it, other fish in the sea" some even have the audacity to say that they didnt expect me to marry my first BF, which kind of hurts a lot.
There are days in which im fine, everything seems soo wonderful, i say to myself today im going to go hang out with friends, work on homework, do my best in everything that i can do, graduate college and get myself a good job, life is gonna be sweet. But then there are other days in which i feel nothing but despair and i say, im never gonna find another boyfriend, im never gonna get married, im never gonna have children. Then of course there are days of pure anger where i just say how could he do this to me, he's never gonna find anyone who can give him what i gave him. And then worst of all there are days in which i just want to plain die knowing that he's living a happy life without me. Back in my highschool days i saw friends break up all the time and they always bounced back easily finding new guys within weeks i wonder sometimes how they do it. Lately I have been keeping all my emotions in because my parents believe im too young to be dealing with these emotions and dont take me seriously.
After the breakup my boyfriend did a complete 180 and became gothic, i dont know why. He started hanging around graveyards performing rituals, slitting his wrists to drink his blood etc....(dont ask i really dont know) I was soo worried sick about him I couldnt stick to the NC rule. By this time he was dating someone else. (he started dating 1 week after break up) He was interested in this girl cuz she was dark like him he said. well they barely spoke to each other or hung out or dated and she got a boyfriend 1 month later.

Welcome to the board serenehope,
Of course it still hurts!
Thank you soo much for listening carrie. I did contact his mother to let her know, i was uncertain if it was the right thing to do but i did eventually do it for his own safety. I gave her all the archived web chats.
Hi again,
Some Health Insurance does cover a certain number of visits for counseling, you would have to call and ask.