I Know its finally over......for now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
I Know its finally over......for now!
8
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 1:39pm

Well,where do I start. I'll try to get thru this quickly. I met this guy through mutual friends in January 2003. It had been almost a year and a half since I had been in any type of relationship. I would see him basically on the weekends for wild sex. It was awesome. We had lots of fun talking and just hanging out. Well time passed and the summer came and I was feeling something more. All of a sudden at the end of July I didn't see or hear from him for three days straight. I was wondering what was going on and I had that gut feeling that it was someone else. Well, I was right. He came and told me that an ex had resurfaced and that since his job was closer to her house he would be going over there. I was devastated. She and I unfortuantely had a conversation and she said that he didn't love me that he needed to be there with her and that all his checks would be coming to her from this point on and etc. I didn't hear from him anymore until Christmas Day. I was so shocked. I cared so much for this person that I had thought about him every single day, but I was moving on and bam!, back into my life he's trying to come back, he came by one day and said that I was one of the good ones and that he hate he let me get away. Time passed and by April 2004, we were living together.

I always kept her in the back of my mind. I thought he has been knowing her for about 7 years and even though he has been in many other relationships and has lived out of state for over 3 years, there must be some feelings for her to take him back.

Well, we had a rocky road along the way. Good days and bad days. I loved this man so much. Things were getting a little sour between us and I was really needing some time and space to sort things out, but I didn't want to lose him forever. We had given each other space before. Well, we had an argument on 02-18-06 and he moved on 02-19-06 and has not been back. I didn't think he would be gone this long, but now I know he has his ex to fall on again. He was still calling me everyday to check up on me, but now the phone calls have stopped pretty much for the last month. If we talked its because I called to ask him something. I called him a couple weeks ago to ask if he was involved back with the ex and he said they had been talking and there were still some feelings in tact. He didn't know what was going to happen, just talking. I said I'll just wish you well. I also told him that I always cared and that I loved him and he said, "I love you too..." I was so hurt again. When I got to work, he calls and ask was I okay and I said YES.... He said, "I don't want to lose you, I do love you. GOD put people in your life for a reason etc......" I said "you already lost me." I have struggled with this everyday. The hurt is unbearable. I have cried, lost sleep, etc. The one clicker here is he has not come to get the rest of his belongings and his jeep, which needs some minor repairs, is still in my driveway. I have told him numerous times to come and get his stuff, but he keeps blowing me off. I told him I don't have to be home, just come and get everything, I will put all your belongings in your truck! still no response. He seems to get agitated when I bring it up. He also still gets mail at my house. His jobs takes him out of town a lot, but he still comes in town on most weekends. Should I be totally evil and have his truck towed and burn up his belongings or just wait until he finally decides to just come and get it? What's going on here???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:08pm

I am first posting about the belongings issue you have. Sounds he is keeping his stuff there to mark the territory. It needs to be gone. It would feel very satisfying to burn his stuff, but to save yourself any legal hassel I wouldn't. I would write a certified letter saying his had his stuff there since 2/18/06 and he now has official notice of 30 days or 2 weeks or something to get his stuff or it is being disposed of however you see fit and the jeep will be towed as an abandoned vehicle etc. I am not a 100% if this is all legal, but think it would cover you for small claims court.

Besides that part...the whole ex-gf thing is weird. How can there still be feelings all those years and he doesn't just stay with her.
My friend had a guy similar to this wouldn't get his stuff (not as much as yours) and keep conveniently showing up just when she was just starting to move on. He wanted her and the other woman whom he was having a child with..playing the sympathy card that he was trapped or whatever. That want what they want and don't want you to move on. You may have to do no contact with him once things are settled and you'll be the one to enforce it..he will call!
How can you move on seeing his crap everyday? How can you bring a date home with his stuff around too? He is being SELFISH!

You are better off not having the concerns of other women and what he will do if there is a bump in the road etc.

I wish you luck in moving on..there is history there and it won't vanish! I wish you luck in getting his stuff gone too!

Laura

Mommy to Jackson (4 years old)
EDD #2 5-3-08

pregnancy due date
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:24pm

hi crazylove

dont do that i know if where mad with our ex's we feel like doing bad things to them. right? but i think is waste of time and you just going to make yourself look bad. i mean i know his bad to you and all that...well atleast your conscience is clean that you didnt do anything bad to him.

about your situation to him..dear this is not what kinda relationship you want right? look everytime that you guys having trouble he run to her. i bet you same thing with their relationship too. if he get tired of her he runs to you...well i guess this is so unfair to you also.

you have the right to be happy and find the guy that will treat you nice. but you will lose your opportunity to find the right man if you still be with this guy.

this is all up to you anyways. just remember life is too short so its better to enjoy every single day that we have.

about his staff let a friend of yours or a friend of his to come and bring it to him..that simple!!!

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 5:40pm
Hey thanks arcpeaches for your advice/opinon/help!! you are right, he is selfish. I hate the fact that I am such a kind person. You mention about him marking his territory,etc., kinda having his cake and eating it too sort of attitude. You also mention about no contact and he would probably call, well,I made a mistake and called him on yesterday cause I had a few glasses of wine when I got off work with some friends. I called and let the phone ring one time and hung up. About time I got home, he was calling me and asking did I call him and I said no. He said, "you must have dialed accidentally" He seem really happy to hear from me. He asked to talk to my daughter and asked her how she was doing, etc. He said nothing about picking up his belongings, missing me or wanting to see me in any way. The conversation was short he said he would call me later, but I told him that I was going out and all he said was, "well, be careful." This hurts so much!! I need to get through this ASAP!! I feel like a weak wuss!!He just doesn't care anymore, or I guess he never did. I guess she is giving him everything he needs to get through whatever. Sorry, just needed to vent!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 6:34pm
Vent away! You need to get it out, and by maybe talking to others and hearing other people's stories and advice it will help you to avoid calling him. We want closure when we end a relationship, but most times we don't get it. However is completely prevent closure by leaving his belongings, almost like he still lives there (like leaving your parents' home you leave some things behind) but he doesn't and he can't keep that door open it is just hurting you!

Laura

Mommy to Jackson (4 years old)
EDD #2 5-3-08

pregnancy due date
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 9:29am
Well, I did it again. I called him on Saturday night. He answered and as he answered I guess someone was coming in the door or something. He was speaking to them and I heard people in the background, etc. Well, I just hung up and of course he didn't call back or I have not heard anything. I felt so stupid. I know he was at "her" house and they probably had company coming over. I don't know. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and sent him a text message, "sorry for the phone call. just missed you at the moment. I still love you." I just felt that I had to say it and of course no response. I hate myself for this. Why, why, why, why am I continuing to make myself feel so bad. I am so tired of thinking about this, talking about this, etc. I am going to try and make a change today. (May 1) I got on my knees this morning when I got out of bed and begged GOD to help me, I don't want to live like this anymore. It is so painful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 9:50am

Do NOT hate yourself over this! It is extrememly hard to move on when you loved someone. I heard somewhere someone said about why it is so hard to move on and the other person can so easily was because you loved the whole time. Which is true, both people in a couple don't always know at the same time that the relationship is ending and that is like a punch in the gut! Then if you look back you see all the signs..well hindsight is 20/20 and you can make anything true when looking back on it.
Now is the time to look forward. What is done is done...lessons were learned..heart was broken..but you will come out of it stronger and know exactly what you want and what you will tolerate for that.
Be strong! It is hard...call friends family do anything to keep your mind busy.

Laura

Laura

Mommy to Jackson (4 years old)
EDD #2 5-3-08

pregnancy due date
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 12:54pm

hi crazylove

dont think this way...everything is just in Your mind!!!! YOU THINK THAT YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM THATS WHY YOUR MIND CONTROLS YOU....AND ACTUALLY THE BIGGEST PART OF OUR BODY THAT IS HART TO CONTROL IS OUR BRAIN...BRAIN CONTROLS EVERYTHING...THIS IS ALSO THE REASON THATS WHY PEOPLE THAT ARE UPSET CANT SLEEP OR CANT FOCUS. I KNOW IS HARD...WHY DONT YOU THINK THIS WAY. HIS HAPPY NOW..WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU WANNA BE LIKE THIS? OFCOURSE NOT RIGHT?

STOP REMEMBERING ALL THE GOOD MEMORY THAT YOU HAVE WITH HIM..JUST KEEP ON PUTTING IN YOUR MIND THAT HE LEFT YOU FOR A STUPID B!TCH AND ALL THOSE UGLY MEMORY THAT YOU HAVE WITH HIM...THIS IS A BIG HELP TRUST ME!!

IF YOU CANT STOP THINKING OF HIM....WELL THATS NATURAL...LET GO ALL THE ANGER THAT YOU HAVE AND ALL THE PAIN...SO ATLEAST YOU WILL RELIEVE!

I'M ASSUMING THAT YOU EXPERIENCE THIS BEFORE WITH YOUR PREVIEWS RELATIONSHIP TOO RIGHT? TRY REMEMBERING HOW DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT PERSON!!

WELL RIGHT NOW ITS HARD COZ THE PAIN IS STILL FRESH BUT TIME WILL COME...

IN EACH SITUTATION, WE DO WHAT WE CAN AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO GOD.

Amazingly True.....
>
> As we grow up, we learn that even the one
> person
> that wasn't supposed to ever let you down
> probably
> will. You will have your heart broken probably
> more
> than once and it's harder every time. You'll break
> hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours
> was broken. You'll fight with your best friend.
> You'll
> blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll
> cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll
> eventually lose someone you love. So take too
> many pictures, laugh too much, and love like
> you've never been hurt because every sixty
> seconds you spend upset is a minute of
> happiness
> you'll never get back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:30pm

I am trying to forget all the bad and good, everthying about him I can. It's still so hard. I will keep praying that it goes away real fast.

My mom always says, "what goes around, comes around." I just hope that when that day come, I can see it with my own two eyes. I am not wishing bad luck, but I know that you can't mistreat people and expect all the good and great things follow you. My daughter keeps telling me, "mom, he'll be back knocking on your door. I'll give him 3 to 6 months."

I myself feel that it will be a whole lot longer than that cause I think he has fell in love again. I say a year to a year and a half.