I left HIM, so why does this hurt?
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| Mon, 05-30-2005 - 12:08am |
Okay, long story short, we weren't compatible. He didn't hold a job, didn't have any drive or ambition, changed his major in school every other month (and he's nearly 30), had problems with depression that I felt responsible for. It was just a very unhealthy place for both of us to be. So I left.
We were working on being friends. It was difficult because he wanted to try to work things out still. I didn't like it. I wanted him to get over me. But, at the same time, we would still see eachother, sleep together on occasion. I didn't think at the time that it was keeping me emotionally attached to him, but now I know differently.
I had been encouraging him to go out and meet people. that I wasn't the be all end all of women. Well he did meet someone. They've hung out every day this week, and its KILLING me! I can't help but ask questions about her! It's like a train wreck, I can't keep myself from wanting to know all the gory details.
I wrote him an email tonight letting him know that I can't talk to him for a while. But I did the same thing last night, and broke down and called him today. I had hoped that somehow it would make me feel better, but it's only made it worse. I've been crying, or on the verge of crying all day. She's over at his house right now (he had to get off the phone with me to get ready for her to come over) and I feel sick.
I wasn't prepared for this emotion. I thought I had been over him for a while, long before I had actually left him. I try to keep reminding myself of all the reasons I left, but right now I can only see the good times we had, and the good things about him that I fell in love with. This is SO painful, and I don't know what to do with myself.
Thanks for listening/reading.

Welcome daisy...
It really doesn't matter which one of you left, it still hurts regardless!
You have done the right thing by telling him that you can't be friends with him right now.... the next thing you have to do is stick to it, no matter how hard it is! It's not going to benefit you in anyway to know about his new relationship. If it's what you must do, then concentrate on why you did leave.
As for what to do with yourself to help you through, lean on friends and family and do things that make YOU happy. It's often helpful to write in a journal to get out some of the feelings so you're not just thinking them over and over again.
It's just going to take time, but starting the no contact is the first step. Stay strong and take care of yourself! Please let me know how you're doing!
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"You get what you settle for"...
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"You get what you settle for"...
ugh. I called him this morning, sobbing, begging him to give me another chance.
I don't even know for sure if htat's what I want. I mean I think I know...
He said he needed time to think about it. That the reasons I gave him for my leaving were good ones and that I had convinced him that we're better off this way.
I just don't know.
This is the most painful thing I've ever been through, and it only makes it worse that I'm the one that did it.
you want what you can't have
I think most often in relationships, we get comfortable and sometimes too comfortable. Your significant other is so readily available and all the cute quirks they had soon become liabilities. And if the love, maturity and commitment isn't there,one or both people being to turn away. But this push/pull thing you have with him has to end sometime.If you had him back right now, could you honestly say that you wouldnt push him away again in two, three, four months time? My ex did it to me and it hurt twice as bad. Missing someone is one thing. But loving them, warts and all, is quite another.
Just some food for thought.
-adc
-almostdoesntcount
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