I let go but I dont know how 2 feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
I let go but I dont know how 2 feel
2
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 5:48pm

We have broken up about 4 times in our five year relationship. It started out as just being physical, but we all know how those turn out. Lets face it, if you start giving a man your body, you will catch feelings, whether you choose to admit it or not.

I'll sum this up. He is ten years older than me. I'm 27. He still lives at home with Mom, even though I was permitted to spend the night whenever and she never had a problem with it. He is an only child, a mama's boy. He works part-time as a janitor, and has champagne tastes on a beer budget. By no means am I rich. I also work part-time, but I go to school full time. I have twin boys age 8. Their father, as it turns out is a homosexual, and that is the reason that we didnt make it. I'm cute, but about 100 lbs overweight. Long story short, my self esteem is shot. On top of that, my father just died about 2 months ago.

The decent part about him, was that when I needed that shoulder to cry on, he was there to stroke my hair and tell me that things would be okay. But the thing is that he would do that to every damn female he ran across. I found more phone numbers, addresses, cards, photos, letters than a little bit. When I first starting coming across these things, I didnt say anything because I didn't want to upset him. But it was so obvious that he was cheating on me. I'm ready to settle down and he is a self proclaimed bachelor for life. Its because he will always prey on low self esteemed girls like myself and get them to take care of him.

I stayed with him so long because we were very comfortable with each other (like using the bathroom with the door open) abd the family has met him. I really thought that I loved him. Now I know that I was probably just caught up, but I miss him. But I refuse to call him or speak to him again. I know that in a week he will start ringing my phone off the hook. We've been through this before. Its almost like I stop talking to him on purpose to get the attention of him calling me. But he has made it clear that if I'm not doing anything to help him (like carting him around in my car while his is broken and he isnt even trying to fix it.

I know that I'm better off without him, but I miss the companionship. What do you do in the meantime while you wait for the wound to heal? Does it ever truly heal? At this point, I feel like I've lost a piece of myself, but I really dont want to go back to this roller coaster ride.

Any advice for a completely confused person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:30pm
You're in the grief process. The only way out is through. Don't try to avoid the pain,
just let it happen and you'll be alright.

Susan




"Success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others."


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Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 2:19pm

I have a question for you, maybe this will help put things in a little perspective:

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