I lied to my boyfriend about my age

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
I lied to my boyfriend about my age
7
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:33pm

i lied to my boyfriend about my age and he recently found out when he looked through my purse and saw my license. when i met him, we were just friends and he would tell me things like how crazy his best friend was for marrying a woman 5 years older than him. also he told me that his ex-girlfriend was his same age and pressured him to marry her. when we started dating, he asked me my age and i told him i was 27 when in fact, i'm 30. he's 29 right now and he's turning 30 at the end of december. i know that we're very close in age (born in the same year) but i just thought he would prefer someone younger. i was planning on telling him the truth when we developed stronger feelings for each other but unfortunately he found out before I was able to.

right now, we're not broken up but i know he's very disappointed. he told me that i should have told him the truth. i explained to him my reasons and although i'm not proud of lying about my age, i just felt that i would have a chance with him if he thought i was younger.

we've stopped talking because he says he needs time to digest everything. i'm so scared to lose him but i'm not sure if he will ever find it in his heart to forgive me. my close friend did the same thing but her boyfriend ended up marrying her anyway. I know he still has strong feelings for me but I'm so scared that this reason alone will make him leave me.

Do you think he will ever come around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:25pm

If he comes around it will be up to him--if you try and contact him it will push him further away. And if he does come back you must always be truthful with him as he should be with you. Without trust any relationship is doomed.

If he doesn't come back learn from your mistake and in your next relationship don't lie about yourself because you think they won't date you any other way--if they're into you it won't matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:37pm

I understand fully now the consequences for what I have done. I'm very honest about ALL other aspects of my life. I was just scared to reveal my real age to him. Now I regret it so much. I should have just taken the chance and laid it all out on the table.

A mutual friend just told me that he told her that he still loves me. He's just so disappointed. I hope he comes back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 4:53pm

Holy moly, you guys are having this issue crop up and you immediately go for the Breaking Up board?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:11pm
thanks sandra. i just assumed that he might want to break up with me for this. i did lie afterall. i am so regretful and i also see your reasoning now. if i lied about this, what else did i lie about. but i've been very honest to him about other aspects of my life. and honestly the only reason why i chose to lie about my age was very simple - i just thought he wouldnt give me a chance if he knew i was older than him. but i didn't think about the consequences. now that i look back, it's so dumb of me to lie to someone who i think i can really share my life with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:20pm
good news! he did come around! he called me on saturday and told me that he still loves me and that he was just disappointed that i lied to him. but he said that he knows so much about me already (since he met all my friends and family) and doesn't doubt anything else. i'm so happy and this is definitely a lesson learned. i would never ever lie about anything as ridiculous as that ever again :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 12:31am
Great news!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:18am

Good--I'm glad he is giving you another chance and I am very happy for you. Always remember the lesson learned from this incident and remember how important honesty and trust is--don't say or do anything because you assume that is what the person wants.

Good luck to you!