i love him so much
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| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 2:42am |
I have been with my boyfriend for two years....He is the most loving, caring, sexiest man in my world (besides my 5 year old). We had gone through a great deal together....and a deployment during our relationship.
Right now, my BF is still going thru his divorce....(say what you will), and it seems that we have lost each other in his fight.
You could only imagine, how much I miss him. He stopped talking to me about what was on his mind....I feel so shut out. Understand, I have been divorced and was all against remarriage, until I met BF. He changed my mind. I mean, I have dated other men, but BF changed my mind soo much. We talked about everything down to the name of our first child together and where we were going to have our wedding. Crazy huh? BF has two kids of his own, I have one. I have never felt so loved by anyone in my life.
He changed so much, he is so depressed, he hates his job, he hates his stbx....the list goes on..he would go for days without talking to me......this has been going for the last three months....phone calls here and there...a couple of dates....that's about it..
Strenuous. I am starting law school in Jan, He wanted to work his way into my life, after the divorce...he wanted me to wait. He still does, but so many things come to light now.....
He accuses me of calling his ex (I have no reason to, I don't like her, It would be a waste of my time even do such a thing).....she has a history of lying......Sometimes,I think that she tries to win him over, to have him go back to her....but he assures me that there is no chance of that.
I don't want to break up with him. I want to keep standing by him, like I have all this time....He just stopped reaching out to me. We were able to talk to each other...our relationship, honest and open. I used to see the love in his eyes in the begining, but now it has faded away.
All we do now is argue about how much time we are not spending together....how I miss him, how he wants to pull away.....it's not fair.
So, I told him Friday that I wanted my things.....that I didn't want to be with him anymore....it hurt so bad to say that to him. Mar 08 was our two years. We didn't spend it together. To me, a tall tale sign that it was over. I just came out and said it. I can't let him go....I have never been able to. I can't imagine being without him. I don't want to be with anyone else, because the potential for a good, loving relationship is there. THat there is a future that we once talked about. We are there...there is an us.
I guess this is what I get, getting involved with a married man, right?
i just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
| Mon, 03-14-2005 - 9:11pm |
