Is "I Love You" A Curse?
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| Mon, 11-27-2006 - 11:31am |
I'm hurting deeply today (I wish I didn't have to be at work) because last night I spoke to my boyfirend of almost 2 years because we had a big fight over the weekend because I asked him to come to my family dinner over the weekend and he said he would but then on the night of the event he was going to be over an hour late and I kept asking him why he was taking so long (partly because I couldn't wait to see him!). I became so angry with him because he had delay after delay but said he would come even though I told him originally he didn't have to and then didn't take the necessary steps to make sure he would be there as fast as he could (ie get gas earlier in the day, etc). He then told me he felt irritated and wasn't going to come after all. We were already deal with some hurt feelings regarding his online emotional affair (still not resolved from previous week) and I was (and still am) hurting from that betrayal so I told him that if he didn't come to the dinner (we made extra food because he was coming and it would embaress me in front of my family that he wouldn't come after he said he would) then our relationship would be over. He didn't come...never showed up and I didn't hear from again at all until I called him last night crying my eyes out demanding to know what was going on!
The last two weeks (since I confronted him about the online emotional affairs) has been really hard and with Thanksgiving its even harder. So last night when I called he told me a bunch of stuff about how his feelings are all mixed up, that he now feels we arn't a good match, and that he isn't ready to move in together (the next step in our relationship) and that he is distancing himself from everything and feels numb. So he said he needs a break to figure out and deal with his emotions. He also said that he feels like the words, "I Love You" are a curse because it was just after we started saying I love you to each other (not until about 6 months ago, which is a whole 1 1/2 years into our relationship) when he started feeling like we were no longer suited for each other and things were going down hill. I felt differently, in fact I thought we were doing better then ever before until I discovered the online things.
Now, I am feeling that maybe he is right that saying "I Love You" may be a cursed because that always seems to be the point inwhich everything (relationships) starts to go down hill and I don't know why that is! Its seems that just when I finally give my whole heart over to them that's when they want to break it. Please help me! I'm on the verge of tears every second today!

First and foremost, stop blaming yourself and don't blame it on 'I love you'. He's not owing up to his own emotional immaturity, needing attention from other women (online affairs). While he's pulling away and has been for awhile and though it hurts a whole lot, this man cheated on you, which means he also lied to you at some point and betrayed you. Most people cannot overcome this without a lot of counseling to rebuild the trust in the relationship.
I love you is not a curse, it's his way of looking at the situation to place blame and to justify his actions, choice, behavior and decision.
Sorry you have to go through this. I hope for your sake you stop all contact with him and put your life back together one step at a time.
Carrie