I made a huge mistake!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
I made a huge mistake!
4
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 8:59am
So I have been dating this wonderful guy for 7 years, since I was 16. We were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend and obviously first love. He is such a great person and I truly love him but the relationship was kind of stuck in a rut and getting kinda boring. We also had some communication issues which I believe is the key to a good relationship. I had talked to him about a couple of issues in our relationship that I thought were important and nothing had changed. For example, for the past year we only slept together about once a month. I talked to him about it twice and he said it was his medication. I know that was the truth because he still loves to snuggle and kiss and is very very affectionate with me which is I think very rare in a guy. Anyway, it still bothered me and nothing had changed when we talked about things so I thought breaking up with him was the last option I had. I broke up with him on Jan. 3 and he was absolutly heartbroken. I told him the reason was because I wanted to be independent. That is not totally true. Being independent is not important to me and he is my best friend, why give that up? So a week later we talked again and I told him I made a mistake and asked him to give me a second chance. He said he cant just jump back into a relationship after his week of hell that he just went though. I understood his reason and he suggested we meet a week later and talk again. So that week came up last Thursday and he told me that maybe it was good that I broke up with him because he just graduated college and wants to establish his life without worrying about having someone else to think about and also wants to be out on his own and maybe do some traveling before he gets situated in his life. I am devistated. I think I will regret my decision to break up with him for the rest of my life. I emailed him 2 days ago and asked him if maybe we were both thinking that our relationship needed a change at the same time. He replied and said he was happy with the way things were going and didnt want things to change even though he knew they might have to someday. He also said after I broke up with him he thought it would be a good time to take a break since we both already had our hearts broken. But I dont think he would have broken up with me. He was always showing me houses that he was going to buy for us and talking about the future. I am in love with this guy and there is nothing I can do about it. I thought love conquered all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 9:28am
I think if you broke up with him it was true. I think now you are just feeling lonely which is natural. I feel woman have that natural 1st cut reaction and I find them to always be right on. Maybe this is a break and you two will find each other again, but maybe you are meantto experience much more. I know this isn't really a help to you. But hang in there and wait and see what happens. Good Luck.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 1:51pm

No, love doesn't conquer all, that's a very naive view to have, IMO. Love is just one element of a good, healthy relationship.

If it's meant to be, it'll work out in the future. If not, it wasn't meant to be.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 11:23am

I don't get it, you broke up with him becuase it was your "last option"?

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:08pm

My situation is very similar to yours. I was also in a 7 year relationship. At one point, I felt as if our relationship was stagnant. I could sense/feel the difference in his attitude. The only difference is that I wanted us to stay together, but he wanted to break up. I felt like he forced me to break things off because he wasn't strong enough to do it.

I was crushed and heart brokened for 6 months, but now, I've accepted it and realize that things happen for a reason. Love does conquer all. If he was truly in love with me, he would've done everything to make it work. Why would I want to marry someone who quit on me?

7 years is a long time. When you're with someone for that long, you start thinking of the future. If your ex isn't thinking long term, then he's not worth it. Embrace this time alone, regain your independence, and find yourself.

I promise you, things will get better. It seems like you two really need time apart from each other. This time apart will make both of you realize what you really want. The more you see him, the longer it will take.