I may have feelings for someone else
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| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:35pm |
Bare with me--it's been a rough 3 weeks. BF and I are on a break and I am missing companionship and attention, as I am sure you all are.
J and I are to have dinner this week, but he also has not been keeping in touch with me. I sent out an email to firm up plans, but, like Sandra, with every weekend (esp. Sundays) that I don't hear from him and have all the time in the world to sit and wonder what he is up to, I start to feel angry, abandoned, hurt. I wonder what he is up to. I try to phone him and get no answer, no return calls (I try to reach out to him on the weekends).
I really don't want any advice on how I should not contact him-I am human and it is very hard for me not to--that isn't why I am upset. I figure that if this drives him away, I don't want him b/c I would want him to touch base with me atleast once during the week, as it was his idea to begin with.
Anyhow, we will see if dinner happens or not this week. I emailed him Saturday with my available nights, but haven't heard back yet, which isn't a big deal, but a little annoying.
So, on to my Saturday evening. I went to a party of a friend's. This guy that likes me was there--it was his party. It was so nice to have positive attention from him. I feel truly relaxed around him and he seems to be interested ( we have hung out before). I had a few glasses of wine, so I stayed over as some others did. I didn't want to sleep alone, so he came into my room and just held me all night. It was perfect. No funny business, no kissing, no fondling, just cuddling. I really needed it. I woke up the next day, with still no word from J, meanwhile there IS word from the other guy. He wants to see me this week. He's uncomplicated. likes me, and when I think of him, I feel happy and at ease, not stressed and hurt like I feel when I think of J. This guy has let me know he likes me. J only tells me how he feels with a LOT of coaxing. I have tried to get back together with J, he is unsure. This other guy would love to date me and spend time with me.
I am not sure how I am going to do this. I love J, but I am not willing to wait indefinitely for him to decide if our relationship is worth saving. I am sick of weekends sitting and worrying about J. Even when I go out, I think of J and miss him. I don't understand. I feel like if he LOVES me, he's be willing to work things out.
Confusion sets in.

well yah your right its hard esp if we start having contact with are exes(we get uses to it again) and later FOR SOME REASON...ITS HARD TO REACH THEM.(totally annoying)right?
just like my ex he start contacting me....actually last2 sunday he contact me and wants to see me..but i refused and SO yesterday it was my bday he CALL ME AGAIN AND greet me...i know his waiting for me to invite him over but i didnt...so when WE hang up...TRUST ME I WANT TO CALL HIM AND ASK HIM TO COME AND SEE ME....BUT I CONTROL MY SELF....COZ I DONT WANT TO GET USED TO BE AROUND HIM AGAIN AND TALKING TO HIM....I STILL LOVE THIS GUY BUT I DONT KNOW ITS WEIRD....I WANT HIM BACK BUT I'M SCARED IF EVER I LOST HIM AGAIN..I DONT WANT TO BE ON THAT POSITION AGAIN..YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN "THE PAIN"..."THE DRAMA"...I DONT HAVE THAT STRENGTH ANY MORE....i know i'm happy now...well ofcourse i miss him on time to time....BUT I'M ENJOYING THE BENEFIT OF BEING A SINGLE....
so on your position...its good that enjoy your life "START DATING"....ESP IF YOU THINK THERES A CHEMISTRY WITH THIS NEW PERSON "WHY NOT?".....JUST BE CAREFUL LOOK FOR SOME RED SIGN...I REALLY DO WISH YOU A LUCK DEAR..THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY HERE..
Thanks!
I am hoping in the long run things will work out, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to see if there is something there. Because what if J and I don't work out? What if J really isn't good for me right now?
Thanks again : )
Gal Blondie
I love Doc Love. Have you ever read him? If not, you can find his stuff on askmen.com.
He says that women love a challenge and that's so true. It's so hard to pick a nice guy over one that you always aren't sure about. I tend to date exciting men and it's addicting. Well, that is, until they turn out to be SOBs.
Anyhow, good luck in your decision. One way to think of it, is if the guy who likes you suddenly stopped being nice now -- how much would you want him? Probably more than you think.
I say go for the new guy. It can only help you either by making you happier or by making J jealous.
Have fun.
I do like a challenge, but I loved J more when he wasn't one--it was easier on my heart. J is not a jerk, really, and in fact, the fact that he isn't as attentive right now is exactly why I am attracted to the other guy. I want the attentiveness.
The new guy has liked me for a couple months. When J and I broke up, we went out,l but I just wasn't feeling it. I think it was just too soon; however, I was up front and honest and simply told him 'hey, I just got out of a relationship. I only want to be friends for now,' since I still couldn't even imagine kissing anyone else. Having the new guy be there for me, knowing I only wanted friendship, was really nice. It was comforting and I found myself feeling an attraction I hadn't felt earlier.
Seiously, if J can't make up his mind, it will just push me more in the direction of pursuing something with the new guy, so we will see what unfolds.
Thanks : )
Gal Blondie
....."but, like Sandra, with every weekend (esp. Sundays) that I don't hear from him and have all the time in the world to sit and wonder what he is up to, I start to feel angry, abandoned, hurt.".....
I take exception to this statement, that was a big misconception.
It wasn't meant that way, but I'm sorry if I got the details mixed up. I feel like the board is a place where, as we all read eachother's emails and support eachother, it is alost like we are sitting in a group together.
Again, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. Wasn't meant that way.
Gal Blondie
I suggest that if the weekends are hard, finding this to keep your mind off things.
Join a bowling league, workshops, cooking school, or whatever! If Sunday's are the worst have a friend that is willing to be on stand by if you need to talk or go out or something.
Host a girls night at your house, or even have people over for pizza and movie night.
Keeping busy really helps. Another thing that I tried in the begining was joining an online dating service. Sometimes just knowing that you have options is all you need.
No worries.