I messed up

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
I messed up
3
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:04pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me after reading my text messages and finding out that I stayed over a guy friends and took ecstasy. It has never been about me cheating on him cause I don't. I love my boyfriend and what we have is special and sex with another guy would just be stupid. My problem is I always want to go out and drink and get messed up and I never make it home. Recently it has gotten worse and grew to not only alcohol but drugs too. I know I messed up and I tell him I am happy he found this out cause its almost like a wake up call. I try to tell him that I need him and I am asking him to help me and that I will stop drinking and doing drugs if he just will help me. He tells me he wants nothing to do with me and I am scared of my self because I know that with out him I am going to be even more out of control.

This person means so much to me. I feel in love with him the day that I met him and I am so angry at my self for ruining my relationship. On the other hand I think to my self we may not be compatible. He has no goals or aspirations in life. He is a fork lift operator and I am a college graduate. I want kids and he has two already and can barely afford them. Sometimes I feel like I cant even have an intelligent conversation with him. In addition my friends and family don't support our relationship. So I would have to say that our relationship is not easy and its a lot of work but in the end the love we have is so passionate and deep that I cant imagine my life without him.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I don't think that I can get him back but I need him and want him so bad. Should I push for us to make it work or just try to make my self strong in all aspects and walk away. I am so confused I don't know what to do I just know I need this person in my life one way or another. Help!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:18pm

I think you'd have a much better chance of re-establishing this relationship (or finding another one and having it be healthy) if you stop drinking/drugging on your OWN (with the help of a program such as AA or NA of course) rather than "with his help" or only to save the relationship.


You need to find the strength within yourself, not rely on anyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:42pm

Welcome to the board sweetcheeks713,


I hope you take Sheri's advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 3:27pm

By the way, thanks for replying to my post earlier! I agree with the first post you recieved, I think it will be much more powerful to stop doing drugs/partying on your own and come back and take total responsibility for all your actions and apologize. That doesn't always fix everything but at the same time you can feel at peace with the fact that you made positive changes for yourself and took responsibility for breaking his trust.


But, you also mentioned that you're not sure if he's the one for you, and I know what that's like - I'm going through the same exact thing. Maybe you need to reflect on whether or not you truly want to be with him and accept your differences.