I miss and want my ex back! PLEASE HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2012
I miss and want my ex back! PLEASE HELP!!!
11
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:50pm

Ok so my story is kind of long. I am going to try to shorten it as much as I can. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. I am 22 and he is 26. We broke up 3 weeks ago. We had problems throughout our relationship. Our main problem was face book. The same few girls would always comment or like his posts and pictures. When I asked about who they were he would get mad. He also didn’t put in a relationship. One day we were going out to eat and I was going to tag him there and he told me not to because he was suppose to go out with his friends and he ditched them to be with me.

We planned a vacation together in September for January for my birthday. Before we went on vacation he said let’s just both deactivate our face books. I agreed. But then I thought he didn’t want anyone to know he was going on vacation or he didn’t want me putting pictures up or tagging him in posts. I asked him when we got back from vacation if he was going to reactivate his and he said no then asked me if I would and I said I don’t know probably. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him it didn’t matter, but I liked jewelry. So on Christmas he ended up getting me pots and pans. Then told me he would make it up on my birthday. So when January came we went on our vacation. The day before my birthday we were looking at rings and he asked me what kind of rings I liked so I showed him. Then on my birthday he did do a good job. He got me a purse and room service brought balloons, flower, card, and chocolate covered strawberries. He then pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to me. When I opened it I was disappointed because the ring was not a ring I had showed him I liked at all. This made me upset because I felt like he wasn’t listening the day before. I know I should have just been happy and I did act like a brat. He told me to take the ring back then and pick out another one and I could tell he was mad. I knew I hurt his feelings and I felt so bad after that. I tried apologizing but the next 2 days of vacation were bad.

Finally on the last night of vacation I thought we made up. I asked him if we were going to break up before we got home and he said no. Then when we got home he went back to his house and texted me the next day saying he needed to think about things. I said ok. He said you know what I am talking about and I said yes I understand I’m sorry and I thought we talked about this before. He told me that I really hurt him because everything came from his heart and I was selfish and that was unacceptable. I really felt so bad and apologized again. Then he texted and said he just couldn’t be with someone like me anymore. He tried and tried. This hurt me so bad because I know it was my fault and I messed up but I didn’t want it to be over. He said we could still be friends. I did reactivate my face book. Then he told me I lied to him and he was pissed because I reactivated my face book. I told him I probably would. Then he said he was about to let everything go but he saw that and that pushed him further away. I was so upset.

The next day I just told him I hate this happened and it has to be this way, but I did had a good vacation with him regardless and appreciated everything he did for me. He told me he just couldn’t do it anymore and he would be my friend but a relationship he wasn’t ready for. I said I understood. Then the next day he just texted me little things about the weather and how he wanted to be back on vacation.

I have to throw this in here so you will understand. 2 months ago a girl at my job sent him a friend request and he told me about it. I wasn’t too fond of this girl because she is just drama. I confronted her about it and she was speechless she then cancelled the request and apologized. End of story right. Well after the breakup and us talking the past few days I go into work the next night and she is working and as soon as I walk in she said why didn’t you tell me you broke up? I was shocked because I wondered how she knew. She then told me he sent her a friend request on face book and a message. She showed me all the messages. He said he was just wondering why she sent him a request when we were together and if she had something to tell him. She said no she just knew I was happy and I deserved to be. Then she said wait you’re not together anymore? And he said unfortunately not. I loved her but we had too many problems and its just not gonna work. She said she understood she had a bad share of men but she was going to delete him as friend because she didn’t want to jeopardize things with me and her. He said ok sorry for bothering you and she said no problem. I was furious after this because he knew how I felt about this girl.

I texted him and said that was low. He said you knew she was going to add me as a friend the first time so whatever. I didn’t tell her anything bad just asking about you and told her I couldn’t deal with your crap. Then I didn’t text back and he sent a little text about the weather getting bad I still didn’t respond. (a part of me thinks they are talking but I don’t know I have no proof she said she would never do that but who knows)

The next day he texted me and told me to be careful driving home and let me know I made it. I didn’t. Then he texted later and said thanks for not letting me know and just ignoring me. I still didn’t respond. 3 days went by and then he called twice but I was asleep. The next day I asked him what he called for and he said nothing sorry I bothered you. Then he said hope you and your daughter are doing ok. I said we were and hope he was too. Then he said he missed us both. I told him we missed him also. I really did and I wanted to work things out.

I asked if we were ever going to make it work and he said he didn’t know time would tell but he wanted to be friends. This really isn’t what I wanted. Before we went on vacation he broke my towel rack and told me he would fix it. He never got it fixed before vacation and neither did I. I had an inspection and got wrote up for it when I told him he was like I thought you would have got it fixed and I told him he was the one that broke it and promised me he would but its ok I would get it fixed. He said he would come fix it that Saturday if I wanted because he did promise so I agreed.


When Saturday came he did come over and fix it. I then basically said to him we are either going to work this out and be together or be nothing because I cant just be friends. He told me wanted to work it out and would come back Monday so I said ok. When Monday came I asked him what time he wanted to hang out. He said he couldn’t today and I cant just be friends and that’s all he can be right now. He said we could hang out and do things but we cant do anything else. I was so hurt. I told him he should have just been honest with me Saturday and he said he was he just had an epiphany. I sent him a long message saying basically I am tired of playing games and being friends is not possible so I just cant do this anymore. He sent a text back saying he did love me and tried to be a friend but I wont accept that so he wishes me the best in the future and he will always be a friend to me whether I accept it or not. I never replied and that is the last I heard from his since Monday (1/28/13)

I am so hurt at this point. I really care and love and have strong feelings for this guy. I just want us to try one more time. I just don’t know what to do. I want this guy back in my life and us happy again. I need some help. Please! Any suggestions or anything??

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 9:27pm

He said he doesn't want to get back together w/ you now so I doubt there is anyting you can do to make him changs his mind.  It sounds like a pretty immature relationship anyway.  I think people get too hung up on what is on Facebook or not.  You also sound a little controlling about who he talks to & he sounds like he's trying to hide things by telling you not to have a FB profile--what business is it of his if you want one or not?  Aren't you entitled to have one & talk to your friends if you want one?  

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 12:41pm

missrissa09 wrote:
<p>Ok so my story is kind of long. I am going to try to shorten it as much as I can. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. I am 22 and he is 26. We broke up 3 weeks ago. We had problems throughout our relationship. Our main problem was face book. The same few girls would always comment or like his posts and pictures. When I asked about who they were he would get mad. He also didn’t put in a relationship. One day we were going out to eat and I was going to tag him there and he told me not to because he was suppose to go out with his friends and he ditched them to be with me.</p><p>We planned a vacation together in September for January for my birthday. Before we went on vacation he said let’s just both deactivate our face books. I agreed. But then I thought he didn’t want anyone to know he was going on vacation or he didn’t want me putting pictures up or tagging him in posts. I asked him when we got back from vacation if he was going to reactivate his and he said no then asked me if I would and I said I don’t know probably. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him it didn’t matter, but I liked jewelry. So on Christmas he ended up getting me pots and pans. Then told me he would make it up on my birthday. So when January came we went on our vacation. The day before my birthday we were looking at rings and he asked me what kind of rings I liked so I showed him. Then on my birthday he did do a good job. He got me a purse and room service brought balloons, flower, card, and chocolate covered strawberries. He then pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to me. When I opened it I was disappointed because the ring was not a ring I had showed him I liked at all. This made me upset because I felt like he wasn’t listening the day before. I know I should have just been happy and I did act like a brat. He told me to take the ring back then and pick out another one and I could tell he was mad. I knew I hurt his feelings and I felt so bad after that. I tried apologizing but the next 2 days of vacation were bad.</p><p>Finally on the last night of vacation I thought we made up. I asked him if we were going to break up before we got home and he said no. Then when we got home he went back to his house and texted me the next day saying he needed to think about things. I said ok. He said you know what I am talking about and I said yes I understand I’m sorry and I thought we talked about this before. He told me that I really hurt him because everything came from his heart and I was selfish and that was unacceptable. I really felt so bad and apologized again. Then he texted and said he just couldn’t be with someone like me anymore. He tried and tried. This hurt me so bad because I know it was my fault and I messed up but I didn’t want it to be over. He said we could still be friends. I did reactivate my face book. Then he told me I lied to him and he was pissed because I reactivated my face book. I told him I probably would. Then he said he was about to let everything go but he saw that and that pushed him further away. I was so upset.</p><p>The next day I just told him I hate this happened and it has to be this way, but I did had a good vacation with him regardless and appreciated everything he did for me. He told me he just couldn’t do it anymore and he would be my friend but a relationship he wasn’t ready for. I said I understood. Then the next day he just texted me little things about the weather and how he wanted to be back on vacation.</p><p>I have to throw this in here so you will understand. 2 months ago a girl at my job sent him a friend request and he told me about it. I wasn’t too fond of this girl because she is just drama. I confronted her about it and she was speechless she then cancelled the request and apologized. End of story right. Well after the breakup and us talking the past few days I go into work the next night and she is working and as soon as I walk in she said why didn’t you tell me you broke up? I was shocked because I wondered how she knew. She then told me he sent her a friend request on face book and a message. She showed me all the messages. He said he was just wondering why she sent him a request when we were together and if she had something to tell him. She said no she just knew I was happy and I deserved to be. Then she said wait you’re not together anymore? And he said unfortunately not. I loved her but we had too many problems and its just not gonna work. She said she understood she had a bad share of men but she was going to delete him as friend because she didn’t want to jeopardize things with me and her. He said ok sorry for bothering you and she said no problem. I was furious after this because he knew how I felt about this girl.</p><p>I texted him and said that was low. He said you knew she was going to add me as a friend the first time so whatever. I didn’t tell her anything bad just asking about you and told her I couldn’t deal with your crap. Then I didn’t text back and he sent a little text about the weather getting bad I still didn’t respond. (a part of me thinks they are talking but I don’t know I have no proof she said she would never do that but who knows)</p><p>The next day he texted me and told me to be careful driving home and let me know I made it. I didn’t. Then he texted later and said thanks for not letting me know and just ignoring me. I still didn’t respond. 3 days went by and then he called twice but I was asleep. The next day I asked him what he called for and he said nothing sorry I bothered you. Then he said hope you and your daughter are doing ok. I said we were and hope he was too. Then he said he missed us both. I told him we missed him also. I really did and I wanted to work things out.</p><p>I asked if we were ever going to make it work and he said he didn’t know time would tell but he wanted to be friends. This really isn’t what I wanted. Before we went on vacation he broke my towel rack and told me he would fix it. He never got it fixed before vacation and neither did I. I had an inspection and got wrote up for it when I told him he was like I thought you would have got it fixed and I told him he was the one that broke it and promised me he would but its ok I would get it fixed. He said he would come fix it that Saturday if I wanted because he did promise so I agreed.</p><p><br />When Saturday came he did come over and fix it. I then basically said to him we are either going to work this out and be together or be nothing because I cant just be friends. He told me wanted to work it out and would come back Monday so I said ok. When Monday came I asked him what time he wanted to hang out. He said he couldn’t today and I cant just be friends and that’s all he can be right now. He said we could hang out and do things but we cant do anything else. I was so hurt. I told him he should have just been honest with me Saturday and he said he was he just had an epiphany. I sent him a long message saying basically I am tired of playing games and being friends is not possible so I just cant do this anymore. He sent a text back saying he did love me and tried to be a friend but I wont accept that so he wishes me the best in the future and he will always be a friend to me whether I accept it or not. I never replied and that is the last I heard from his since Monday (1/28/13)</p><p>I am so hurt at this point. I really care and love and have strong feelings for this guy. I just want us to try one more time. I just don’t know what to do. I want this guy back in my life and us happy again. I need some help. Please! Any suggestions or anything??</p><p>Thanks!</p>

it's time for you to follow through on what you said: "I then basically said to him we are either going to work this out and be together or be nothing because I cant just be friends."   He told you that he doesn't want to work things out, so you're pretty much left with not being friends, either.

Getting upset because you ask who someone is is like killing a gnat with a sledgehammer.  Why the hysterical overreaction? From what you've shared here, it's obvious that he wanted the relationship only on his terms; he didn't want anyone in his circle of friends to know that he was dating you--which means there is someone else to whom he wanted to give the illusion of being free. Otherwise, why care about being tagged in photos with the woman he is involved with? What difference does it make whether or not you have a facebook account that's active?  If he doesn't want one, fine, but he's not your lord and ruler.  Saying that he "ditched his friends to be with you" sounds highschoolish and juvenile.  He's not his own man?  So what if they found out?  It's none of their business with whom he chooses to spend his time.  I mean, "what if I did?" needed to be what came out of his mouth to them--that's what an adult would say.  He sounds extremely childish.

The Christmas gift and the birthday gift are two signs of passive-aggressiveness.  He asked you what you would like, then got you something that you didn't like, need or want. Why not get you an iron? Or a cutting board?  A gift certificate would have been a better choice. He took you to look at rings and got you something that he felt you should have had, not what you wanted. Would be different if he said "Oh, I can't afford that" or if he steered you towards the rings he could afford and you went to the ones he couldn't.  You don't make that distinction in your post, so I'm going with it didn't fall out in experience that way. 

He made up his mind to give you what he thought you deserved and when he got the reaction he should have gotten for his gameplaying, he wants to turn it around on you and make you out to be ungrateful.  The way I read it, you seemed to be more stunned by his lack caring than ungrateful. His actions provoked your reaction and now, he wants to hold that against you, as if nothing he did could ever prompt it.

You have a say-so in how you want your life to play out.  And if that means that you cannot be friends with him, then that's what it means.  You have to put your feelings first now and do what's best for your own emotional good, not his.  That means blocking both his cell phone calls (privacy star is a good app) and his emails. You're not going to be able to move forward if you keep allowing him to rip open the wound by popping up whenever he feels like it.

I also think you sell that girl in your office a bit short.  From what you've written, she shut off communication with him once she knew you two were involved with one another.  Her telling you your business was a result of HIM telling her your business, not her fishing around for it, right?  She showed you all of the correspondences he's sent to her and shut him down because she apparently esteems you more than she does him--that doesn't sound like someone who has ill will towards you.  She didn't have to adopt that mindset; she could have been "your loss, my gain" and kept it moving.

I think that if you want to have to deal with a passive/aggressive guy who isn't his own man, who cares more about what his friends think than how you feel; who doesn't hear you when you tell him directly what you want, that that is what you will get out of a relationship with him.  You, in your own words, said: had problems throughout (y)our relationship."   That is not healthy and that is not love. He does not sound as if he's emotionally ready to be in a relationship with anyone--certainly not if he's more worried about what his friends think about him ditching them in favor of being out with you. No man steaming towards 30 years of age should have such a juvenile view. 

But if he's what you want, then you will have to prepare yourself to submit to his childishness and to be quiet and content with it--because he has demonstrated to you already that he will drop you off at the mall and go chase after other women when you complain. 

Ask yourself: do you like the person you have to become in order to have him in your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 1:09pm

As much as you want him back, he's already told this isn't working anymore for him and you'll have to accept that. You can't force someone to want to be with you if their not feeling it anymore. And really this guy sounds a bit too immature to be in a serious relationship with anyone right now. He sounds like he's fine if everythings going smoothly (and his way) but as soon as some problems arise in the relationship, he wants to jump ship and not even try to work on anything. I'm really am sorry your hurting, but you'll just have to accept that this isn't working anymore. Good Luck

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:52pm

I'm just going to say it: You are very immature.

Don't get serious with any guy until you've grown up a little more.

Get a job. Go to college. Try new things. Don't get hung up on a guy; you're not mature enough to appreciate what a good man is and how important that is to your life and your future. 

Date. Don't move in. Have fun. Don't get yourself pregnant. 

Check back into serious relationships when you're 27 or 30. You might be ready by then.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 9:45am

Awesome Post Kendahke1!!!

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Fri, 10-11-2013 - 7:33am

Hello,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2014
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 6:44pm

I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex wife 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when she broke up with me, I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine frank told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too his name is Dr ALEX. I email Dr Alex the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my wife gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have her back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr ALEX for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (solutionhelpcentre@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2014
Fri, 02-21-2014 - 6:44pm

I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex wife 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when she broke up with me, I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine frank told me about a spell caster who helped him in the same problem too his name is Dr ALEX. I email Dr Alex the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my wife gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have her back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr ALEX for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is (solutionhelpcentre@gmail.com) you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2014
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 8:26pm

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Contact igbajesolutionpalace@gmail.com, a friend introduced me to the great igbaje, he helped me have my wife back, I think he can help you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2014
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 8:26pm

my name is Max, if you need your ex lover, husband or wife
Contact igbajesolutionpalace@gmail.com, a friend introduced me to the great igbaje, he helped me have my wife back, I think he can help you.
he can heal every disease and sickness
he can give you success, without the risk
he is from Africa, he does not labor in vain,
   but he can help you
Contact with him igbajesolutionpalace@gmail.com

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