i miss him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
i miss him
6
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 12:03am
okay me and this guy were dating for almost 2 years. we were totally in love. he was so nice and honest and sweet no your typical guy. he had his faults but he was almost perfect. we even started living together. we would always be together. and now just when my mom came to visit me he broke up with me and i thought i saw signs of break up before but i never took it seriously. i left everyone and everything for him. and now that he broke up with me i have no one. i feel so lonely. now i dont enjoy drinking and i never smoke. since my mom left i started drinking and smoking a little and i feel so lazy and sad. he dosent even talk to me or say hi when he sees me around. it hurts so bad i dont know what to do! im such a loser that i i call him and block my number just to hear his voice. i miss him so much but i just dont know where i went wrong? i mean was i too ugly too fat what was it? i dont know i loved him with all my heart and soul and i did everything for him and i just loved him and showered him with everything he ever wanted just because i loved him so much. oh yeah,, when he broke up with me, his reason was " i want to be religious now and i dont want to have a girlfriend" for some reason that didnt sound like it was the whole truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 7:08am

First, *hug*. That is really tough, especially when it's a reason that is so out of character. A guy broke up with my best friend years ago with the excuse "We are just not at the same place in front of god", and it really really devastated her, but she bounced back eventually. The key is to always remember that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! When you've hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up.

Don't drown yourself in alcohol because it won't help you forget what happened, nor will it make you feel better (it may even be harmful in the end). Instead, work out extra hard at the gym. Be so busy that you can't sit around and mope. Take a bath and cry your heart out. Get it all out. All out.

I hope this helps. Breakups are so tough. *hug*

-enkie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:46am

Your post bothers me in that it looks like you compromised who you are for this man. You say you "left everyone and everything for him." Sounds like you gave up all your friends and possibly even shut your family out of your life? That's a lot of pressure on him, to be your entire world. What about your needs and wants? What about your life? You should not give up your life for a man, EVER. Granted, there are going to be a few little compromises you'll have to make to go from single to living with someone, but when you make someone the center of the world that makes you look like a doormat and it's never attractive to anyone.

You should take this breakup as an opportunity to redefine yourself. Get to know who you are outside of this relationship. What do you like to do for fun? Before you can really have an effective relationship, you need to know who you are and what you want. Maybe you did and you lost a bit of that when you met this guy. Whatever the case, figure out who you are alone and next time you're in a relationship, remain that person.

Most importantly, I see a whole lot in your post about what you did for him and how great you were to him but what did he do for you??? Do you really need someone that you have to wait on hand and foot and mold your entire life around? Don't you want someone who will meet you in the middle somewhere... I may be misinterpreting things, but from your post it sounds like you were all give and he was all take.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 3:47pm

Your post makes me want to cry. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it has to be tough. Don't lose hope, though, and definately don't start doubting yourself. Sometimes relationships don't work out. It's as simple and complex as that. It's not worth beating yourself up over. I know that you're feeling lonely and you miss him terribly, but this is not the end of the world (as my mother would say) it just feels like it. There is nothing I can say to take that sense of loss away from you, it's up to you to do that. Just look inside yourself and find that inner strength. It's there whether you believe it or not. Look up old friends, hang out with family, get a second job. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself busy.

I know what it's like to use alcohol to keep your mind off of things or to numb yourself a little. The sad part is that only works for a little while and it usually doesn't work as well as you think it does. I'm not saying to give up alcohol totally I just think you shouldn't use it as your prozac. It will only make you feel worse about yourself.

Also, stop referring to yourself as a loser...that's just silly. No man is worth you bringing yourself down like that. No person for that matter. Besides if you don't respect yourself it will be hard for others to do so. Everything starts within yourself, and since I am a Christian everything ultimately starts with God. I believe that your are never alone when you have Christ in your life and what ever darkness falls upon your path God will provide you the light.

Bottom line is don't doubt yourself so much. You had something wonderful. You will find it again. Can't say when, but it's there. Just keep your head up and don't let someone who can't appreciate you bring you down. I'll say it again...it just isn't worth it. Life is too short to waste that way. Just take everything a day at a time. Don't focus on tomorrow. Focus on getting through today. You have to take these baby steps to work through this. It will get better!!!

Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 4:38pm
The last thing I want to do is make you feel worse when you are already feeling lousy, but bottom line is leaving you was the best thing this guy could have done for you right now. I know it might not like seem like it right now, but think about it...guys are not complex creatures really. They are pretty simple once you get to the root of them. It seems to me that your ex did not give you a good enough reason as to why he left you. Because of that, naturally you are going to start asking yourself questions and analyzing the situation. You are asking what YOU could have possibly done to sabotage the relationship. The first piece of advice I can give you or the first step in starting the healing process is to get to a point where you can accept the fact that he is gone and it was not because of anything you did. You are who you are and you are fabulous in your own way!!! To leave you one day out of nowhere for no good reason is just a cowardly move on his part and it should just be confirmation to you that you don't deserve someone like that. When you bump into him and he doesn't acknowlege you, the best thing you can do is act like your life has not ended because your relationship did. This is just the beginning of something new for you and in time you will find all of the wonderful things you would have been missing if you still cried over this jerk! Now, for the love of God, stop calling him and spend your time focusing on the amazing person you are and get out there and find someone who deserves someone as foxy as yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 4:38pm

HI IVIL JADE

you mention that you broke up coz your mom come and visit you! i mean why is that?
i'm assuming maybe your mom might say something to him that he cannot take it and broke up with you!

how long that you guys broke up? and him being religious what this have/had to do with your relationship with him!! is he planning to be priest some day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
In reply to: ivil_jade
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:54pm
well, thanks for that wonderful advice it really made me feel better. I woke up this morning and i thought to myself...it will take time but its not impossible. so i hope ill just start getting over him soon and ive been talking to my sis alot shes a lot of help too.. I just wanted to thank you for your post, it made me smile.