I Miss My Bestfriend/Partner...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
I Miss My Bestfriend/Partner...
13
Fri, 11-24-2006 - 10:01am

I miss him so much, and while i'm here at work holding back tears, snapping at people, and just trying to make it through the day, he's probably sleeping like a baby, maybe even with someone else. It just doesn't seem fair.

The thing that kills me the most, more than missing him/us, is how not too long ago, he told me he couldn't imagine life without me, and that he would never break up with me, i was his perfect women, we are lucky to share what we share..a true soulful connection...and suddenly he bails, and just walks away as if i never exisited..i know in order to truely heal and let go, i have to give up this obsseission of understanding this, and just let go of this, but it haunts me every second of the day. I never thought of it as him feeding me lines because i felt that too, and now i'm wondering what the heck it was we were feeling if this is how it ends up.

We've been friends for almost 6 years. Our situation is somewhat complex, or atleast it was, but we kind of worked through a lot of those complexities. Anyways, about 9 months ago, while the "situation" was still complex..we got a lot closer, more than friends. And there it started, we decided to take it to the next level, and there have been a lot of rough times along the way, but we always found our way through it. So without getting into why we broke up this last time, i'll just say that i broke it off with him this past sunday because i just didn't feel "fulfilled", i didn't feel he was giving his all, and i felt as if i was being taken for granted...he just didn't seem like the same person i fell in love with. I mentioned the things that weren't sitting well with me..because we both always agreed that communication was important, and i believe they're things that with conscious effort that he/we could have worked through..i didn't want to break up, i didn't want to "give up" on us..but apparently he did. He basically said "take it or leave it"..this is how it is, either deal with it and shut up (not his exact words) or leave..so as much as i didn't want to lose him, i had to leave. Why didn't he "fight" for me, for us..why didn't he say he'd do what was in his control to try to "save" our relationship? How can he say that he can't imagine his life without me, and then just walk away? How can i ever come to terms with this? will i ever come to terms with this?

He was my bestfriend. I miss my bestfriend. It's like a double whammy..loss of boyfriend, and bestfriend. It's been 5 days of no contact. No emails or phone calls, and we've never gone this long with any contact. A day after the break up he sent a few joke emails, as if nothing had happened, i didn't respond..but a day after that i sent him an email explaining to him how i felt about him basically just "throwing in his towel", and i don't regret what i wrote because that's how i really feel, but i do have to admit, that the tone in some parts of the email wasn't very pleasant. He never responded, and there's been no contact since. It's a struggle everyday not to email him or call him, because this is so hard, that in the moment sometimes i just want to call, beg him to get back together, and forget any of this happened. But i have to stop myself because i know that A) he may not want to get back together, and that will just kill me, and B) if he does want to get back together, i don't want to go back to the way it was without the changes needed, atleast the attempt to make things healthier. So i just have to keep those things in mind, and it keeps me from calling or emailing him..but it's sooooo hard.

Everday that goes by, it just seems more "final" and more apparent that he really has moved on, and "thrown in his towel" and that itself scares me to death and hurts so bad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 1:48am


To everyone who wrote on this message board,

Its so true. We think we're all alone when someone we love disrespects us. I haven't really ever been in a serious adult relationship ... since I'm in college I usually play the "I'm too busy for a relationship" card ... this will have to change soon though. :)

A couple of years ago I went through exactly what you're talking about. My best friend from freshman year asked me out and we were great for a while. Then one day he told me I was the "one". A few weeks later, he was very drunk one night and told me that he hated being so dependent on me. A week after that he had done enough things to make me feel disrespected. And then it was over.

I don't know how the transition happened. While I've always had my life, career, family and girls to keep me grounded, this experience did make me question whether having faith was even worth it. Back then each day was hard. But now as I look back, I can say that I wouldn't have changed anything. Its important to be with someone who respects you and is mature enough to value love and to love in return.

Everything happens for a reason. The person that this guy has turned into ... dating him would be a nightmare for me. And you too will see that in retrospect. All I can say is, I'm still young and naive but if anything, this experience taught me to keep the faith. If you loved being with the wrong guy this much, imagine how happy you're going to be with the right one. :)

Good luck! You'll do just great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:55am
its been six days since my boyfriend of too yrs walked out he woke up had sex wiv my made me breakfast in bed then told me he was leaving
i know we had been having a few problems but didnt think he would just walk out he hasnt called me i have called him and it just makes it worse all his says is he would rather be on his own
i havent eaten or slept since my hands are shaking i dont no what to do
we even had a holiday booked for new year i cant beleive i have to face christmas now on my own
until i found this page i thought i was the only one so its been a great help to no im not alone im so scared ill never get over this and be alone forever
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 2:04pm

Sorry you have to go through this. You will have to force yourself to take care of you. Journal writing can help and so can counseling.

If you start your story as a new discussion, you will get more responses. When you add your story to someone else's it makes it hard to find.


Carrie

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