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I need advice
| Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:21pm |
I will try to make this as short as possible. I got out of a three year relationship about 8 months ago. Well, straight out of that, I began to "talk" to a guy I had went to high school with. Anyways, the first couple of months were very confusing for me. We would hang out, but mostly it was a sexual relationship. He wasn't clear as to how he felt about me, therefore neither did I. In late November, he said he wanted to make it official. So, we did. Since then we have grown very close. Our relationship now is the way it should be. My friends like him, my family loves him. He has a great job, education...all of that good stuff. I moved in with two of my best friends in Feb. and the lease is up at the end of August. He has asked if maybe we could move in together after that. He's also said things about "our future", even kids. To be honest, I don't think I am ready for all of that again. But, I don't know how to tell him without hurting him. I am 25 and I really have never had the chance to just be single and independent. But, I feel absolutely terrible about these feelings I'm having. I don't know what brought them on, I am thinking maybe we spend too much time together. When we are not working, we are always together. In the beginning he used to be very outgoing, would always be going out with friends and his roommates. Now, he hates his roommeates for no apparent reason and really doesn't hang out with anyone else. It's so weird because in the beginning, I couldn't get enough of him. Now, I am always thinking of excuses not to spend time together. He has been out of town for alomost a week now, and I thought that would help me, but I almost feel relieved...I keep thinking "what is wrong with you?!" I am unsure as what to do. Is it right to feel guilty about wanting to break up but not wanting to because my family really likes him, or because his mother (the onyl family he has here) has just moved out of state?? I am so lost. Please help with any advice.

Hi nikkip and welcome to the board,
It's normal to feel guilty, but it doesn't mean you have to 'act' on those feelings.
nikkip25...
Pianoguy thinks you already answered your own question with two sentences:
"I never really had the chance to be single and independent" and "I don't think I'm ready for all of that.."
The tricky part is breaking the news to the man who wants you to be part of his life in an FWB situation?
But my feeling is this. If anybody (male or female) is mature enough to know what they need in a relationship...or what they don't need...they should be able to EXPRESS THEMSELVES!
So please do this...for your peace of mind. Depending upon how he reacts, you'll have a pretty good idea of what married life will be for the two of you 'sometime down the road?'
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
This post of your is different from your other one I saw regarding this same thing, which leads me to think you don't know what you want yet.