I need advice....
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I need advice....
| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:34pm |
Hello.......I'm new to this but feel I need some advice. I've been unhappy for a long time now. I've been researching relationships and personal happiness for a month now . Here's an exercise I was told to check out. I dont mean to be negative but i swear this is true. It's says appreciate what is working in your life right now. In major areas of your life, such as your Health, Job, Love Life, Friends, Family, Money and Living Situation. It's asks to relfect on what is going well??? (Health)I gained 15Lbs and it lowered my self esteem, I've been trying to force myself to go to the gym and diet. (Job) I lost my drive to persue a career in the entertainment industry so I've been trying 9-5 office jobs, been through 4 jobs in a year....can't seem to find a job/career that works out. (Love Life) I've been in this on again off again relationship for 2 years with this guy who is a good person but constantly leaves me emotionally abandoned and feeling hurt. All I need is hugs,kisses,a mushy card....something that makes me feel wanted. He says he wants to work on things but he's not giving me what I need. We dont know how to communicate and once he told me that he loves me but he's not In Love with me....LOL...I guess that should of been my answer. (Friends)Most of my close friends have become long distance friends and over time we have slowly become very distant. Their all getting married and having kids and live 3,000 miles away. The friends that I have here dont call me anymore because I dont go to clubs and smoke pot anymore. I've slowly become anti-social and I'm lonely. My phone used to ring off the hook and everyone used to come over and hang. It's been 2 years thats no-one has come over. (Family) I don't have a family, I'm an only child. I'm close with my mother who's also 3,000 miles away and when she came out to visit last we constantly argued about our differences. (Money) It's a never ending battle....always trying to catch up and never being able to break even. I dont over spend.....I just dont make enough. And finally (Living Situation), My roomate is dirty, refuses to clean up after himself ( I prefer to live with guys becuse they're easuer to get along with...LOL....if i lived with another girl and we pms'ed 2gether it would be bad.) And I have to beg him for rent money every month. Anyway he's moving out and screwing me over for june and july rent. So.....what do i have going for me???? I'm I being too negaitve??? How do I make things better??? I would go seek professional help but I dont have insurance or the money.

First off, yes, you are being too negative. Unfortunately, I know all too well how you are feeling, because I felt very similarly not long ago. It's hard when you feel like nothing in your life is going right and you don't feel like you can control it; but believe it or not, there are still good parts of your life right now, even though it doesn't feel like it.
So, my advise, start changing things to make your life better. If overall your relationship leaves you feeling bad more than good, get out of it, now. There is no reason to allow that to continue to bring you down, even if you don't know anyone else or you will be really alone, trust me, I had to end a relationship that wasn't making me happy knowing that I would be pretty much completely alone. It wasn't fun at first, but now I am SOOOOOO glad I did it.
Personally, I like to have a plan, it helps me to make changes if I write down what I want to do/achieve. Tackle one thing at a time, write down your plans, put them up on the refrigerator and then follow the plan you've written for yourself and you will feel better in no time. If I were you, I'd start by getting out of that bad relationship and working on my health (I swear, just exercising regularly makes everything else seem so much better, even if you don't lose a pound). I was definitely one of the most out of shape people I knew this January, but I started working out and ran a 5k race last week. It felt great.
If you've had 4 jobs in the past year, then it's pretty certain you're relatively new at your current job. Use that to your advantage... talk to your coworkers and see what they do for fun, suggest drinks one day after work. Ask them for advise about how to get in good with the boss, or advise about anything job related for that matter; it will make them feel important and help you start a dialogue to build friendships.
There are a ton of other things you can do to improve your life; you just need to get the wheels in motion. Post on Craig's List to find a new roommate, exercise, talk to new people, get involved with things that are cheap/free (5k, volunteer, etc.). I find that the busier I am, the happier I am.
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like a preecher or anything. All I know is I've been there, it sucks, but you can certainly change things. It is daunting thinking about making 1000 changes at once, but I'm sure you can do it if you take things one step at a time and have a good plan. Hang in there, you'll feel better in no time.
If you live in the US, then there are supposed to be clinics and hospitals that can offer free or very low priced services to anybody who could not usually afford counseling. (I do not know about the rest of the world, but I would be surprised if most other first world countries do not offer the same thing, especially since they tend to be more socialist than the US). If you trying calling Lifeline, they may be able to refer you to somebody. I also found this website with several links that seem like they should be useful: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/HealthInformation/GettingHelp.cfm
One thing to keep in mind when nothing seems to be going your way is that life is constantly changing. When you hit the bottom, there is nowhere left to go but up. I guarantee you that many of the things in your life that you write about will improve with time if you just hang in there. Sometimes it can also help to remember to appreciate the most simple basic things that we all tend to take for granted such as being able to have a warm shower and a bed to sleep in at night.
Anyway, I hope those links I provided are useful to you. Keep taking good care of yourself.