i need advice badly!
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:20pm |
So i have posted on here recently about how my boyfriend "broke up" with me almost 2 weeks ago saying he needed time and wasn't happy with himself and didn't want a girlfriend...i was devastated. I had these tickets to a bulls game that i bought him for valentines day and he said he didn't know if we should go togehter because it might make things more confusing than they already are. Well it ended up he said he wanted to go with me...i told him i didn't want him to come with if he was only doing it becuase he felt bad or like he had to...he said no that's not it.
So we went last night and had the absolute best time...we have so much fun together and get along so well and have so much in common and just laugh...in the car on the way home he said to me that he just isn't ready for a girlfriend and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him becuase he likes being alone. I told him so when will you be ready..when you're 50? (he's almost 30)so we got to his place and went in a watched a movie and cuddled and then when i left i went to give him his stuff back and he said "just keep it, i have your stuff inside and i don't want to go back in a get it now" so i asked him if that meant i will see him again and he said "why woudln't you" I then told him i want him to be honest wtih me...if he is not attracted to me or thinks i'm annoying or whatever i want to know instead of him saying he needs to get himself together. And he said that he was being completely honest taht there is nothing wrong with me..that he is trying to find something wrong with me but he can't. He asked if i could just give him some time...that he likes me so much he loves being with me, but he can't be with someone till he is together...he said all his friends tell him he needs to grow up and he said he can't explain in..maybe he got scared because he knows we were getting serious and he knows he can't even take care of himself right now let alone me too.
So now what...it eneded him saying i could call him too i shoudln't wait for him to call me and that we'll see each other again..but i just watn to know what time means..like how long...and i just hope he wasn't saying it to me to be nice.
I just really really like him..i told him i'd give him time because i care abotu him so much.
what do you think?

Pages
Sorry sweetie, but I can tell you from experience that what he said is crap.
He is trying to be nice and spare your feelings but trust me- there's someone else.
I got same speech, only to find that he was already sleeping with someone else when i went to get my belongings. Very stupid of him as I had keys to his place.
I am in the no contact phase. As desperately as i want to call him on what he did, that he lied, what would that really accomplish?
Just let things be.
Close the book.
Move on.
There's another exciting book waiting to be read.
I agree with "clinical heart", he has someone else...no if's and's or but's about it! Most people don't have the guts to be honest and don't want to deal with the crying and emotional conversations that go along with breaking up. So they give you the "it's not you, it's me" b/s line. Believe me, there is someone else.
Do yourself a favor and find yourself first and then someone new second.
Take care
I know there is no one else..that's the thing..he had no girlfriend before me for 4 years, we talk during the week..we talked every day then...i just know that is the truth he has no one else...i jsut wonder how much time he needs...can i call him in a week and ask if he wants to see a movie...
and why when i went to give him his stuff back did he say ..just hold on to it..your stuff is inside and i don't want to go get it now..why didn't he jsut take his stuff.
he is worth it to me to wait..and we have always been completly honest with each other since we met..we always said once you lie to each other it falls apart....so when i told him to just be honest and tell me what it is no matter what....i can deal with it..he said he just needs time and if i could give that to him..and that he can't find anything wrong with me and he loves being with me and maybe he's just scared to get so serious because the girl he's with he needs to think about marrying....
i hate this..i just want to know what to do.
one more thing...another reason i know there is no one else is because he takes relationships very seriously. that's why he hasn't had one in so long. AND he lives at home..he doesn't bring girls there..i was the first girl he brought in his house in 4 years...so I KNOW THERE IS NO ONE ELSE. HE is very old fashioned..his parents are from poland and very traditional...so is he....like not moving out until marriage and all that. he was even very upset with the number of people i've been with and it's not even a lot....so he's just a genuinely good guy...rare , but that's why i like him so much.
To be honest guys it's very unfair telling this poor woman that you 'know' there is someone else. You don't truly know the circumstances of the relationship or what this guy is like even remotely well enough to come to that conclusion. Think about what you say before plunging someone into the depths of despair even more than they already are.
Agrip76:
I think that you need to just not call him or see him, make him realise what he stands to lose. I believe he is scared, and a bit immature maybe- i mean nearly 30 and still living at home? I despair of my bf for being nearly 21 and still living at home. He needs to cut the apron strings.
My bf split up with me last thursday, (see my post: Help me) and I decided that he wasn't going to get in touch so I just didn't call him or anything, he called me sunday night and told me he'd been crying himself to sleep without me etc and realised he didn't mean what he said, he just thought he felt that way because of all the arguments we'd been having. Must admit I was thinking along the same lines. Try it, honestly, I think he will realise what he stands to lose and pick up the phone, just try and be strong and DON'T CALL/SEE HIM. (Much easier said than done, I know)
''You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'' and
''If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours to keep. If they don't, they were never yours in the first place.'' are very true. Corny, but true.
Just say to him that if he doesn't know what he wants there is no point in you wasting your life waiting around for a decision, don't call him after that, give him a couple of days, and see if he's knocking at your door. If not, surround yourself with friends and think, so he's not the one for me, let's go find the guy who is!
Good luck and again, don't listen to people when they tell you there is someone else. It may have happened to them but it is not always the case.
Hope this helped.
Well he did text me yesterday seeing how i was feeling because I was getting sick with the flu. And he did say how much fun he had with me at the game.
So do i still let him call me or can i wait until let's say sunday and ask him to see a movie and if he says no then tell him i'm done calling him or trying with him.
You are just not "hearing" what people are saying to you...you need to NOT have contact with him at all. As I wrote to you on one of the other boards, he is going to need a significant amount of time to work through his issues, so you need to move on.
What good will going to a movie with him do????
Sheri
I know it's sooo hard not to call or anything but it's the ONLY way he's gonna realise what he might lose. Otherwise he'll just think you'll always be there and take it for granted. Take it from people who have experienced it.
Hope it goes ok.
x
bad idea about the movie
i went to see one with my ex bf of 3 weeks whom im madly in love with, and it felt HORRIBLE to be only friends. the no touching etc...horrible.
my ex bf also needs TIME. and its the worst. i know you think hes worth the wait. i also think mine is worth the wait. the only way i get through it is to think "why does he need this time. i dont need this time. i know that i want to be with him why doesnt he know" so i decide that i want to be with someone who doesnt need this 'break'. someone who KNOWS they want to be with me RIGHT NOW.
Ok I understand what you are saying...i know I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't know if they want to be with me...there are plenty of guys who would love to be with me and all that..it is so hard to follow that though when you are stuck in the middle of it.
Why are people like this...I don't want to play games. I am 28, he is almost 30. Why wouldn't he just take his stuff and go inside his house and get mine...why did he text me last night seeing how i am feeling? Why did he ask me to give him time instead of just saying "look i'm just not into you" when I told him all i want is the truth no matter how bad it is. Why would he tell me "you know you can call me too" when i told him to call me when he's ready to see me?
dating sucks and i've recently started to wonder if i will ever be with someone who truely appreciates who I am. I thought I found that in him, but i just keep getting disappointed.
Pages